Eva Longoria to Direct Movie about Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Yay!

Spicy snacks and Latinos in Hollywood? Count me in!

Eva Longoria (aka this blogger’s favorite retroacculturated Latina) has landed the directing gig of movie about Richard Montanez, none other than the creator of the spicy Flamin’ Hot Cheetos snack.

The Fox Searchlight biopic will tell the story of Montanez as he went from working as a janitor at Frito-Lay to achieve the American Dream (namely, to create a very spicy botana for the hungry masses.)

According to press reports, Montanez’ spicy creation was reportedly “inspired by the flavors of his community, helped revitalize the company and disrupted the food industry, creating a pop culture phenomenon that continues today.” Because, if there’s something Latinos (especially Mexicans) are good at is at spicing up the lives of others.

Say what you will about Mrs. Longoria or Cheetos. I’m all up for spicy and more Latinos (retroacculturated or not) in Hollywood.

Via: CNN

The Wait is Over: ‘Telenovela’ Premieres December 7 on NBC

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Eva Longoria (aka La Prieta Faya and this blogger’s favorite retroacculturated Latina) is like super excited, because NBC on Monday Dec. 7 will premiere Telenovela, a 13-episode comedy that promises a lot of drama along with “passion, betrayal and raw sexuality.”

As this blog reported earlier, the show tells the story of a telenovela star who doesn’t speak Spanish, which is just perfect, since we all know Ms. Longoria is not particularly fluent in the language of Cervantes.

I will watch at least the first episode of this thing (for research purposes, you know?). But I still think it’s a pity NBC didn’t cast Erick Estrada as her co-star in Telenovela. After all Mr. Estrada is the only actual telenovela actor who was able to get away with making an entire telenovela despite his very poor command of Spanish.

See? This is what NBC viewers will be missing.

Eva Longoria to Star in NBC Show about a Latina who doesn’t Speak Spanish — of Course

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Eva Longoria (aka as La Prieta Faya and this blogger’s favorite retroacculturated Latina) has been tapped as the star of Telenovela, a 13-episode NBC comedy slated for the 2015-2016 TV season.

The decision to pick Longoria wouldn’t be more appropriate: The show tells the story of a telenovela actress who doesn’t speak Spanish, and we all know that while Ms. Longoria is not a telenovela star, she is indeed extremely challenged when it comes to the language of Cervantes.

I can’t wait to not watch for the show to start. However, it’s a pity NBC didn’t cast Mr. Erick Estrada as her co-star in this thing. After all he’s the only actual telenovela actor I know who ever got away with making a telenovela despite his very poor command of Spanish.

See? This is what NBC viewers will be missing.

Latinas to Shine in Primetime [As Maids, of Course]

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As this blog dutifully reported it almost one year ago, Lifetime Television has finally set a date for the premiere of Devious Maids, a 13-episode series featuring a bunch of Latino women who work as -what else?- maids.

Devious Maids is being executive produced by the one and only Eva Longoria, la “prieta faya” and this blogger’s favorite retroacculturated Latina, who this week came out in full force to defend the series. [Oh, she also starred in this other cinematographic masterpiece.]

Judging from the trailer [below] I can see Devious Maids will touch on some of the hot-button issues that keep my people at night: Earning the minimum wage; working 80 hours a week for a bunch of ungrateful, rich bastards; getting by without health insurance and living in constant fear of deportation.

I can’t wait (to not watch it.)

Eva Longoria Stars in Unintelligible Cat Food Commercial

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Last time I reported on my favorite retro-acculturated Latina (aka La Prieta Faya,) she was busy peddling potato chip flavors among potato chip lovers.

Now, in her most recent commercial exposure, Eva Longoria is busy promoting Sheba, a brand of “responsibly-sourced seafood,” which apparently is less irresponsible than other Mars Inc. products, including Snickers, M&M’s, Uncle Ben’s and Orbit.

But, don’t take my word for it. To be honest, I’m not 100% sure what this whole thing is about, since the only spot I found seems to be in German, Dutch or Cat-Language. (Definitely NOT in Mexican.)

 

Upon Helping America Re-elect Barack Obama, Eva Longoria Moves on to Pick New Potato Chip Flavor

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Eva Longoria, this blogger’s favorite retro-acculturated Latina, might have been successful in her quest to get Barack Obama re-elected. But this time she needs your vote to accomplish something yet more significant -and potentially delicious: She wants your VOTE to help Lay’s choose its next flavor of potato chips.

Sí, señor. Longoria (aka “La Prieta Faya”) this morning visited New York City to ring NYSE’s bell on behalf of Lay’s and even spoke to Fox News about her latest campaign, Do Us A Flavor, urging Americans to vote among three potato chip flavorsCheesy Garlic Bread; Chicken and Waffles and Sriracha.

But. Wait. No tortilla española,  nor tamal-flavored chips?!!? I’m afraid La Prieta Faya is losing her Latin touch, so I’d better stick to my Cannabis-infused tortilla chips.

¡Ajúa!

Eva Longoria Named ‘Philanthropist of the Year.’ Perhaps She Can Treat me to Some Tortilla Española

You might not know this but The Hollywood Reporter this week named Eva Longoria (a.k.a. La Prieta Fea) “Philanthropist of the Year,” reportedly

“For her relentless dedication to giving back to her community and serving others as well as for her long-standing commitment to Latino causes.”

Which I think is great, because as a member of the uninsured Latino community, I could use a discount on the $34 Spanish tortilla that graces the menu pages of her Hollywood eatery.

Now, that would be very philanthropic… and delicious!

Estefan, Longoria Ecstatic About National Latino Museum… We Just Need to Raise, Like $300 Million

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Are you clueless about Latino culture?

Worry no more! The Nobel-prize-winning Obama administration this week got a little closer to the creation of a National Latino Museum in Washington.

Spearheaded by Spanish tortilla empresaria Eva Longoria (aka La prieta fea) and Emilio “Lord of Miami” Estefan, a dedicated commission is working in determining how this national museum would best serve in portraying the history and culture of Latinos in the U.S.

Exuding extreme pride -and apparently with a straight face- Estefan was quoted saying: “Today is definitely a proud day […] “This could never have happened 20 years ago. We’re going to create a legacy that will last forever.”

Which is, like, great, considering museum enthusiasts will have to raise somewhere between $250 million and $500 million for the thing. But hey, aren’t Latinos the trillion-dollar opportunity?

¡Sí, se puede! ¡Sí, se puede!

‘Beso’, Home of the $34 Tortilla Española, Will Expand. And I Still Won’t be able to Afford it

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My favorite retro-acculturated Latina, Eva Longoria, is so hyped about the success of her Hollywood eatery Beso, that she’s going to expand it soon, with Beso Vegas expected to open on New Year’s Eve 2010.

But wait! My very well-informed sources claim she is also looking to open up smaller eateries at airports around the country… but since they are going to have a limited menu, she is going to name them Besitos. [Which made me think, oh, oh, how corny cute!]

In addition to Eva’s tortilla soup and Eva’s avocado guacamole [sic] Beso features a $34 tortilla española and a $36 Beso paella, because there is nothing like European stuff to spice up your Latin-infused menu and make diners pay through the nose.

(Hungry? Download here the full Dinner_Menu)