Not content with giving us the Mexican-themed, culturally relevant Tortillas Crisps, Pringles is at it again, this time with a chicken taco chip thing called — what else? — “Kickin’ Chicken Taco,” which according to Pringles itself are naturally and artificially flavored and sit on top of a cartoon-like taco truck.
I don’t know if the Kickin’ Chicken Taco Chips are “truly original” (such a claim has gone suspiciously missing) but I’m pretty sure they taste like a Kick in Your You-Know-What.
I think I’ll pass.
Hat tip: Brooklyn, midtown taco correspondent J.P. Falcone
Because ‘Jeb and Columba love whipping up guacamole on Sunday Funday.’
With the hilarious 2016 U.S. presidential campaign around the corner, candidates are going the extra mile to raise the much needed cash to be able to compete against the dumb-but-filthy-rich-candidate-type-people.
Take Newly Converted Hispanic Jeb Bush, who is asking you to pitch in $75 for the Guaca Bowle, a presumably-Made-in-China plasticky looking molcajete that I can find in Mexico City for, like, a fifth of the price.
But why a molcajete, may you ask? Well, because Jeb and wife Columba (not Columbia, nor Colombia) simply “Love whipping up guacamole on Sunday Funday.”
Ay, caramba!
Can someone please start working on a Guaca-Bowl piñata?
The owners of the Café Cordial in Paris’ Opera District are very nice people. Not only do they make sure to mumble some English words for the crowds of American visitors who show up there everyday without speaking a word of French; but they even go out of their way to translate their menu not in one but in two languages.
While some of the English translations in their menu is OK (I just said “OK,”) it is clear that they got lost in the [Google] Spanish translation.
Here are some hilarious examples.
BLOGGER’S NOTE: Apologies to the monolingual crowd; this is funny only if you understand both English and Spanish.
1. Croissant = The thing that grows
There’s the translation for croissant as “1 que crece” (literally: one thing that grows) and toast as “brindis,” as in the toast to happiness….
2. Smoked Salmon = The salmon who had too much to smoke
3. The Horny Goat that is served over a salutation
There are several more yet to be highlighted… Be my guest and find them yourselves, will you? I’m too busy dealing with the country’s Happy Hours.
Fresh Burritos, a “fine” establishment in the heart of Lille, France, promises (in French) to serve you 100% Fresh Burritos (in English) and will prepare everything in front of your eyes! (yes, with an exclamation point!)
I was tempted for a minute, but then I realized Le menu looks suspiciously similar to any bad Mexican faire á l’américaine: I’m afraid the 4.90 euro combo of La boisson, les patatas, le cookie and le mini burrito will properly give me Le diarrhée.
… And don’t get me started on the non-descript orange sauce-like thing in the background.
As if Taco Bell’s efforts to sell your children “make-believe” Mexican food weren’t enough, some genius has come up with the Taco Takeover board game, a “fun-filled” game that will make sure your children grow up with a twisted idea of what my people (i.e. The Mexicans) really eat.
Per the game’s creators themselves:
The Taco Takeover game will let your children assemble their own taco, but, be careful! If you draw a “La Cucaracha” card, or are dealt an “Antacid” by an opponent, you’ll need to dump your taco and start over!
Seriously guys, I’m not sure what’s worse, if the “game” itself or the festive, cactus-filled, mariachi-music video that’s being used to promote it.
So get ready for the newest member of the ATMT (Absurd Taco Madness Trend:) Candy Tacos, a concoction made of a rice krispies shell filled with shredded coconut (the lettuce and cheese), crumbled Oreos (the meat), Mike and Ikes (the tomatoes), and topped with marshmallow fluff (the sour cream).
Taquera zip round taco shaped clutch [LOL]Some people just want to see the world burn –and annoy the hell out of this blogger.
Take Italian designer Charlotte Olympia, which is peddling a $1,300 taco purse, a taco-shaped thing “embellished with Swarovski crystals and embroidered silk organza.”
I don’t know you, but $1,300 amounts to about $20,000 Mexican pesos (per today’s exchange rate,) which would be good enough to get you approximately 800 of these.
YES, eight-hundred!
Won’t you rather have 800 of these?A no brainer, my friends.
Oh, and don’t get me started on the burrito bag, please.
Despite high-profile, unsuccessful efforts to give my people (i.e. The Hispanics) dedicated “Hispanic stores” with “Hispanic stuff” presumably preferred by “Hispanic people,” big corporations continue to make strides — and waste invest their money — in giving my people their very own Hispanic tiendas.
Take CVS Pharmacy, which says it has converted 11 existing locations and added a brand-new store to launch its “Hispanic-centric store concept.”
And what exactly makes this CVS a Hispanic CVS? Well, I’m glad you asked. According to this WLRN story: “Cafecito, bilingual staff, money transfer services, and an expanded discount fragrance counter,” because unlike regular, non-Hiapanic people, we love to drink coffee and send money abroad while smelling real nice.
Per a CVS press release, the the new stores will carry “more than 1,500 trusted Hispanic products including favorite brands such as Café La Llave, Agustin Reyes, Fabuloso, Suavitel, Creolina and Formula 88.”
As part of its ongoing effort to desecrate Mexican food, Taco Bell says it will roll out systemwide its ridiculously named Quesalupa — melted pepper Jack cheese stuffed into a flaky, crisp shell “that serves as a vehicle for seasoned beef, lettuce, cheddar, reduced-fat sour cream and tomatoes.”
Until recently, “the thing” was limited to Toledo, Ohio, which was totally OK with me, since I don’t have any immediate plans, nor reasons or desire to ever go to Toledo, Ohio.
However, and according to press reports, after a test in 36 Toledo restaurants, the Quesalupa was pronounced “one of the most successful tests in Taco Bell history,” so its going national.
So, thanks a lot, Toledo! You have just ruined my Taco Tuesday.
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