Category: Guacala

Topeka Preps Taco-Themed Summer Event, Because what Else Is there to Do in Topeka?

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Non-Mexicans craft inflatable ‘taco’ to go with their summer taco event and Chihuahua beauty pageant in Topeka.

What to do this summer in Topeka?

ANSWER: Attend a taco-themed festival *and* Chihuahua beauty pageant –of course!

And this will be possible thanks to Zach Haney, founder of Carnival Guy, a party rental supplier focusing on inflatable surfaces, who decided to launch Taco Topia, a taco-themed summer event filled with inflatable stuff –and most likely awful tacos.

Per an inexplicably long news article:

“Taco Topia will be held in two separate sessions, from noon to 3 to p.m. and from 5 to 8 p.m. on Saturday, Aug. 11  for crowd control and to keep taco wait times short.”

But if veggie and curry tacos (inflatable or otherwise) are not “Mexican” enough for you, Taco Topia will also feature a Chihuahua beauty pageant, because why pass the opportunity to throw yet one more thing real Mexicans never do?

Luckily for this blogger, this event will take place on the very same day I’ll be taking a very long flight to go spend summer in a very very far away place…

Via: The Topeka Capital Journal

Hipster Vegans Want you to Eat an Avocado Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert

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This has to stop. Seriously.

Why cut your delicate hands trying to chop open an avocado when you can enjoy the wonders of the fruit without having to resort to a knife –or a tortilla?

That is the promise of Cado, an “avocado-based frozen dessert” crafted by a very white group of vegan people and designed to satisfy your avocado craving –without the dairy and/or the other actually great things about, well, avocados.

Per a review of this thing by Veg News (LOL)

Organic avocado is cold-pressed, sweetened, and flavored before being churned to a silky, smooth consistency. The fruit’s subtle floral aroma lightly infuses each variety, but flavors such as Deep Dark Chocolate, Simply Lemon, and Mint Chocolate Chip shine through for a unique take on our favorite frozen treat.

¡Ay, mátenme porque me muero!

Via: Veg News

Yes. There is a ‘Cinco de Mayo Carne Asada’ Gadget

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CarneAsadaGadget

You guys must think I just make stuff up just to keep updating this wonderful blog and all. But no. Thanks to the ever creative minds of marketing professionals, there is always something new under the Latino-Hispanic muy caliente sun.

Señoras y señores: I give you the BBQ Dragon, the portable, hands-free, rechargeable gadget which –according to a presumably serious press release– will help you make “the best carne asada in town.” Why? Because Cinco de Mayo is approaching!

I’m not sure this thing was even conceived with carne asada or Cinco de mayo in mind, but who the hell cares? We are fast approaching this blogger’s favorite faux-Mexican holiday.

¡Ajúa!

The Irish Are Making Tacos, my Friends

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Corned-beef and cabbage? That doesn’t sound very “Irish” to me.

It’s almost St. Patrick’s Day and if you have been paying attention, this means Irish-Americans are getting ready to celebrate with… Irish tacos!

Yes, my friends, brave Irish men in America have been making tacos for some time now, some of them with terrific success. However, for the most part, these are basically a concoction of leftover corned beef and boiled cabbage, “decorated” with Jack cheese, horseradish sauce — “or maybe a creamy sauce made with some Guinness stout.”

I don’t know about you, but I’ll be sticking to drinking Irish (and/or non-Irish) stuff on Sunday, so thanks but no thanks.

Via: Journal Now

 

This Restaurant in Des Moines Lets you Make your Own Burrito, Because Des Moines

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I don’t know who did this, but they shouldn’t be making their own food.

It’s too bad Cosmo Kramer never fulfilled his idea of a cook-your-own-pizza-pie pizzeria. But you can thank Jaime Herrera, of Des Moines, for Happy Burrito, an “innovative” Mexican restaurant where you can build your own burritos. Yes, because really, how hard can this be? Plus, you are in Des Moines, so there’s probably not a whole lot to do there anyway.

But I digress. The point is that this thing is now open and surely pleasing the denizens of Des Moines (even though some of them have absolutely no idea of how to prepare anything.)

Via: Des Moines Register

Miami Baker Concocts Cake Featuring Fried Ham Croquetas –Because Miami

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Behold the ‘Cuban tiramisú’

if you thought the Dunkin Donuts’ Cuban Sandwich wasn’t enough to lure you to the Sunshine State, consider this:

Andy Herrera, a happy-looking Miami baker based in Hialeah, is having his social-media moment of glory thanks to an abomination unusual creation of his: A vanilla cake filled with whipped cream, Nutella –and dozens golden brown, fried ham croquetas. Yup.

I know there are many things I don’t like/understand about Miami, but this one simply takes the cake (bad pun intended.)

Intrigued? Go read this here. I’m done.

Photo: MiamiHerald.com

Move Over, Cronut… Here Comes the Tacro, a Croissant-Taco Mashup

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The latest croissant food mashup is “only” $12 apiece! Yes, I said dollars…

Not content with giving us the cronut and the biscuit taco, America is at it again, this time with the “Tacro,” a mashup of a –yes, you guessed it– taco and a croissant that apparently is already selling like hot-cakes. The pastry (which is exactly what it sounds like) regularly sells out at Mr. Holmes Bakehouse just north of the Tenderloin.

According to the always relevant Yahoo.com,  the tacro costs $12 and can be found at Vive La Tarte, a San Francisco eatery which has been experimenting with “unique croissant flavors” like blood orange and lemon meringue.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. Every day we stray further from the truth.

Hat tip: @BetoGuero

America’s Obsession with Avocados from Mexico Reaches New Heights in Super Bowl Ad

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There are no chips in Utopia

Avocados from Mexico is back on the Super Bowl advertising game with #GuacWorld, its latest TV commercial that is scheduled to make its official debut Sunday, Feb. 4, 2018 during the Big Game in Minneapolis.

The spot imagines a domed paradise called GuacWorld, where everything is perfect, with serene music, free massages, wellness gurus  —and all the guacamole you can eat. But there’s one problem: The chips are outside… OUTSIDE! so everyone freaks out and mayhem ensues.

Luckily, a breakthrough revelation happens: Avocados and guacamole can be used in  hamburgers, salads, sliders and, of course, toast…

The spot is not nearly as adorable as that of 2015 (remember the polar bear clad in mariachi gear voting for Mexico?) but it does a good job highlighting the ridiculousness of what the human race has become –in light of the avocado craze. WATCH.

Taco Bell is Testing a Burrito Loaded with French Fries

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The California Loaded Fries Burrito in all its awful glory.

If you freaked out when you read the news about Taco Bell’s chocolate-flavored pubic lice, you’ll definitely want to hear about the chain’s next outrageous proposition:

Introducing The California Loaded Fries Burrito, a burrito stuffed with –yes, you guessed it!–  french fries and other things, including ground “beef” as the protein of choice, nacho cheese and sour cream.

According to multiple sources, these abominations cost $1.99 apiece and –thankfully– can only be found as a test item at locations in Charleston, West Virginia.

I’m so sorry for you, West Virginians. We’ll keep you in my prayers.

Via: Foodbeast

Taco Bell’s Thanksgiving Menu is so Ludicrous, it’s Actually Funny

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These ‘things’ you see here are Turkeritos: Yep, turkey ‘tacos’

Taco Bell’s Friendsgiving menu is so ridiculous, it’s actually funny. Among my faves: The turkeritos; the pumpkin spice caramel apple empanadas; the chocolate churros with chile ancho and –of course– the butternut squash chalupa bites.

Fortunately for ALL of us, Taco Bell’s annual Friendsgiving meal was only available last week and it was only for VIP’s at the company’s headquarters.

Phew!

This London Establishment Sells Bad Mexican Food –and Awful Spanish Grammar

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This doesn’t make sense, you know?

The owners of this fine establishment in London would be well advised to take a quick Spanish-language course or –at the very least– brush up on their masculine and feminine nouns.

But I guess they’re busy concocting “food” that they hope will pass as “Mexican” without anybody noticing. Alas, my European, non-Hispanic, non-Mexican correspondent noticed…

At this point, I’m not sure if I’m cringing over their grammar or their “food.”

Hat tip: London Taco Correspondent

You Guys! It’s National Menudo Month in America

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HAPPY MONTH… YOU!

Marketers are one restless bunch.

Not content with giving us National  Taco *and* Vodka Day, National Guacamole Day, Cinco de Mayo and all those wonderful faux culinary celebrations, a California brand of canned “Mexican food” informs me we’re in the midst of National Menudo Month.

Per Juanita’s Food:

Turns out there is so much to celebrate, that the brand in question is launching a national competition to find the BEST MENUDO RECIPE — and to crown the King/Queen of Menudo in two states!

According to the rules of this solemn competition, participants are being asked to bring their homemade menudo to one of the 6 regional menudo tasting events in Texas and California.

The homemade menudo winner in each city will get a $1,000 prize, which should be enough to buy the new iPhone X (without a protective case, that is) –or dozens of Juanita’s Food spicy canned menudo on Amazon.com.

So, now you know.

Enjoy National Menudo Month while I go hang myself.

And now… ‘Chiles en Nogada’ in a Box: Because Nothing Is Sacred Anymore

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What the hell is this?

Move over, tamales en bolsita…

Mexican “food” corporation Dysal S.A. de C.V. — which caters to clients including Walmart and Costco, of course — has come up with this abomination: Ready-to-microwave chiles en nogada… in a box, which I’m sure will be soon available on Amazon.com and the like.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go hang myself.