As usual, the so-called “mainstream media” missed the boat on this one.
For all the hoopla around Jeff Bezos buying the Washington Post, most media writers failed to point out that the Post is the proud publisher of El Tiempo Latino, a weekly Spanish-language publication that prints awesome cartoons like this one and targets the many, many Latinos that are taking over D.C.
So… if you thought Bezos paid $250 million for The Washington Post, think again. What he was really after was the ever-exploding, trillion-dollar-opportunity that only Hispanic print media can deliver.
After all, there’s no point in denying his Cuban background, is there?
I said this in 2008 and I’ll say it again: Hispanics are a resourceful bunch and have crafted a brilliant master plan to take over the U.S: It’s quite simple, come to think about it: Reproduce quickly and in large quantities.
According to Colombian (not Columbian) newspaper El Tiempo, the country’s organizing body of this year’s World Games has recalled the 1,221 gold, silver and bronze medals that were supposed to be handed to athletes at this year’s competition.
The reason? A not-so-tiny misprint…
It’s “World” not “Word”… Just like “It’s Colombia, not Columbia.”
IMPORTANT UPDATE: On 07/29/2013 Dish responded to this post by a Tweet presumably written by a human being with very, very poor writing skills in Spanish.
One does not have to be a genius to realize Dish Networks is very good at pinching pennies. Otherwise, how would you explain them using Google Translate when they could have called this blogger to do a relatively better job translating “Now Playing?”
In an era dominated by iPods, iPads, iPhones, iTunes and iMacs… how else were you going to call your Mexico City-based budding courier service, offering speedy deliveries nationwide?
We didn’t plan for this to go public, but ‘The New York Times’ had to go and ruin it for us. Yes, part of Latinos’ master plan to sneak into this country is by disguising ourselves as movie mascots.
What the New York Times doesn’t know is that once we have managed to sneak in (like Mr. Martinez, above) we then move onto Phase II of the plan, which consists of a more elaborate scheme to rapidly populate the country.
But -as we all know- with acculturation comes the making up of words / concepts, so my paisanos over at the Chelsea Street Fair this weekend treated me with a delicious huarche, one I gulped down with 2 liters of Jarrito de Tamarindo.
Take James Fulford, a writer over at anti-immigration, anti-multiculturalism, anti-coherence online community Vdare, who recently took to the web to denounce “upper-class, disloyal Hispanic journalists (specifically Univision’s Cristina Costantini) for “campaigning to import lower class illegals—who won’t live in their neighborhoods.”
According to Fulford, Costantini –whom he refers to as “Cosantini” for some reason– is totally biased in favor of immigrants, because (duh!) she works at Fusion, a company partly owned by Univision, which in turn is “owned” by none other than the “cute-as-a-button* blue-eyed, Mexican journalist Jorge Ramos.”
Way to go, Mr. Fulford! I’m adding your website to my list of favorites; it is not very often that racist, ignorant remarks make me laugh so hard that I almost choked on my gordita de chicharrón.
I don’t know you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on a tiny plush version of La Popis or Doña Florinda, which I’m sure are all going to be Made-in-China, but isn’t everything Made-in-China these days?
[I’d take a Ñoño doll a hundred times over this other one]
Some Hispanics (including myself, above pictured) do like to wear hats and funky dresses while cooking inedible stuff using the Guatemalan flag and a poster of a Flamenco dancer as background. Don’t ask.
In light of recent developments, (news that Target Corp.’s management gave bosses some very valuable information about Hispanics) this blogger decided to add a few items to an already stupid comprehensive list of how to go about Hispanic employees.
Target Corp.’s document, first published by Courthouse News Service, informed company managers that “Not all Hispanic employees eat tacos, dance to salsa or wear sombreros,” (ignore the above photograph for one second) or that Mexicans have lower education and “might be undocumented.” So far so good… But it missed some equally important, and worth-making points… So, let’s just get right to them, shall we?
1) Mexicans will always end a sentence with “ito” no matter how much they hate your guts and wish to kill you: i.e. “Con permisito;” “Por favorcito,” “Al ratito,” “Un momentito,” etc.
2) Argentines will go out of their way to convince you they are not Hispanic, which is OK because they really are not, and chances are they are not working at Target anyhow. They will always end up a sentence with “boludo.”
3) Cubans are not only political refuges and better educated –as your document accurately states. They are going to throw a fit every time they see the “other Latinos” wearing a Ché Guevara T-shirt or any other outfit reminiscent of the so-called Cuban revolution. More often than not, Cubans will side with the gringos; not with the Latin ‘chusma.’
4) Not all Mexicans are into tacos: Actually, most of us prefer tortas ahogadas, mondongo, pozole, pancita, machitos, moronga, criadillas, tlayudas, pambazos, etc. etc.
5) Puerto Ricans will probably pay zero attention to whatever you tell them: They are going to be busy listening to reggaetón and holding on to their pants.
6) No matter how hard you try, they (i.e. all Hispanics) just probably going to say “pinche gringo, ya no estés jodiendo” as soon as you turn your back to them. In your face, though, they will be super nice and just say: ¡Sí, señor, ahorita, ahorita lo hago! un momentito.
7) Ecuadoreans and Bolivians are very different but you should always treat them as if they were Peruvians just to piss them off.*
An ill-informed individual, presumably not Mexican (nor Indian) thought it would be an awesome idea to convey his/her thoughts on population control on a $1 bill… And, of course, of the millions of people who transact money on a daily basis in this wonderful city, I was the lucky one to get this as change in my neighborhood bodega.
The Spain-born singer (God) will forever be this blogger’s favorite artist. Dancer. Singer. Casanova. Gay. Or Not. So. Get Over it. Just enjoy this video and watch it over, and over, and over again (Paying special attention to minute 2:30)
For those of you who still think tacos look like this, there’s literary aid coming your way.
Mexican editor Déborah Holtz last night was in Manhattan, presenting La Tacopedia, the result of a five-year taco research documenting everything you’ll ever need to know about tacos: From their origin and their different species, to the brave men and women who make them. “We wanted to make a book that smelled of tacos,” said Holtz, whose book includes -what else?- the recipe for 36 delicious super salsas.
Unfortunately, La Tacopedia is currently available only in Spanish, but this blogger is one crafty freelancer and has decided to stalk Ms. Holtz until she gives me the green light to translate this jewel into English.
[Now, if she doesn’t give me the green light, at least she should provide me with some green salsa.]
