Michelle Obama Goes to Mexico. Hosts Would be Well Advised to Work on their Wardrobe

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This blogger Everybody is super excited about Michelle Obama’s first solo trip to Mexico this week, where she is expected to spend three days “meeting children, tour the anthropology museum and dine at Los Pinos, the president’s residence.”

The American press is so thrilled about the whole thing, that a journalist couldn’t help but make a comparison with another stylish, sophisticated, impeccably-dressed American first lady:

Almost 50 years ago, a first lady seized Mexico City‘s heart: the beautiful, chic, multilingual Jackie Kennedy, to whom Michelle Obama draws comparisons.

If this is the case, I can only hope our presidential couple will spend some time working on their wardrobe. This blogger will be scrutinizing the menu -and fashion- during such memorable (and bloggable) event.

Stay tuned!

Texas School Urges Children to Study and Be ‘Seasoned’ Like a Beef Fajita

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When it comes to our children education, no efforts should be spared… even if you live in Texas, whose Board of Education this month decided to re-write History.

That is why Crockett Elementary School in Dallas hosted a school assembly and invited motivational speaker Fabian Ramirez to encourage students to do their best on the upcoming Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills (TAKS) test. Speaking to 200 kids that are scheduled to take the test in April, Ramírez went straight to the point:

“You have to be seasoned before you get grilled,” he said while holding 2 pounds of seasoned beef fajitas in the air before laying a portion over an electric grill. “Seasoned students are well done after they have been grilled.”

While this blogger greatly appreciates the metaphor, I think Mr. Ramírez should have added that failing the TAKS would turn these children into a bunch of burritos.

Mexican Archbishop to Replace Mahony at L.A. Archdiocese. I Can’t Tell Which is Which

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This looks like something out of the Twilight Zone. Turns out Cardinal Roger Mahony is retiring from the archdiocese of Los Angeles, and will be replaced by some guy from Monterrey, Mexico who looks very much like him.

Given the current state of affairs at the Catholic Church, it wouldn’t surprise me if this “new guy” is only a make believe, wax-made Mahony impersonator; someone who will take the punches next time something goes wrong. That way, as is often the case, you can always blame it on “The Mexican.”

¡Ay, nanita!

Photo: Los Angeles Times

Photo: Getty Images, via WSJ

Top 10 Factors That Will Make Your Company Attractive to Latinos

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As some of you must know, Diversity Inc. this week released its Top Ten Companies for Latinos, which lists the firms that “create an inclusive place for Latino workers” and the factors that make a corporation attractive to a Latino workforce.

Not to be outdone, a friend who wishes to remain anonymous, sent this blogger his own Top Ten list, which I honestly think it’s sooooo much better. Here it is:

1. They serve café cubano, arroz con gandules and real tacos in the company cafeteria.
2. The CEO speaks more Spanish than Telemundo’s Don Browne or Univision’s Joe Uva.
3. The human resource director’s office has a sign on the door that reads, “No green card? No problem.”
4. They play Latin music in the elevators
5. There are special rooms where employees can take a siesta
6. Extra large parking spaces to accommodate employee trocas
7. Company-sanctioned fifteen-minute bochinche break every day
8. The company plans to shut down during important World Cup matches this summer
9. The employee benefits package includes free consultations with an immigration lawyer
10. The lobby and waiting areas are well-stocked with copies of TVyNotas

Do you have any other that would make your office life less miserable more fun?

Dennis Haysbert Now Speaks ‘Español’

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Who said only Cristina or Don Francisco could endorse your product en español?

Dennis Haysbert, whose baritone voice has assured us like, forever, that with Allstate we are in “Good Hands,” now wants you to to know that with Allstate you are en “Buenas manos.” Haysbert this month made his Spanish-language debut in a series of television commercials now airing on most Hispanic networks.

Longoria Reveals Yet Another Artistic Quality

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Not content with having achieved a successful career as a television star, restaurateur, philanthropist and museum buff, my favorite retro-acculturated Latina, Eva Longoria, is ready to make a splash in the world of documentary filmmaking.

As an official Pepsi spokesperson, Longoria is set to direct and produce an intriguing documentary about Hispanics and how our experiences “have helped shape the American landscape,” which I think has nothing to do with landscaping, but you never know.

Eva’s documentary is part of a bigger effort, inexplicably called “Yo Sumo” and launched by Pepsi to show how U.S. Hispanics count, contamos or -as the company will have you believe- sumamos.
I personally want to sumar my voice and congratulate Mrs. Longoria Parker on her new venture, although I fear it might interfere with her role as an active member of the CSPCNMAL. Only time will tell.

Dobbs Promises Ramos the Exclusive About His Political Future [Well, After Telling Wife]

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This past weekend, I was invited as a guest to Univision’s political weekly show Al Punto, hosted by veteran anchor Jorge Ramos. Little did I know I would end up sharing the hour-long program with one of Hispanics’ Bête noir, the one and only Lou Dobbs, who took the opportunity to promise the popular anchor the exclusive story about his political future [should there be any.]

Click here or on the photo [above] to watch the video:

Don Francisco Wants You to Eat “Italian” Food

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Ah…. marketing minds never stop working!

In the latest effort to tap into Hispanics’ fat wallets -and even fatter selves– restaurant chain Olive Garden is sending Univision’s Don Francisco to Tuscany, because it’s there -and not on the Food Network- where the company trains its chefs. According to Advertising Age:

The legendary TV host will visit Olive Garden’s Culinary Institute in Tuscany in a segment airing this Saturday night on Sábado Gigante. He accompanies Margarita Ibarra, the young chef who won Olive Garden’s “Cocinando un Sueño” (“Cooking a Dream”) contest.

But wait! Olive Garden’s Hispanic effort doesn’t stop there. The company is proud to tell us that all its 600 restaurants have menus in Spanish, which is, like, great, because Hispanics might not know Lasagna is Lasaña and Pasta Primavera is, well, Pasta Primavera.

That’s it. I’m getting hungry, so I’m off to my nearest Olive Garden to get a taste of Don Francisco-endorsed food and pretend I never heard about Dr. Manny.

Texas School Urges Children to Study and Be ‘Seasoned’ Like a Beef Fajita

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When it comes to our children education, no efforts should be spared… even if you live in Texas, whose Board of Education this month decided to re-write History.

That is why Crockett Elementary School in Dallas last week hosted a school assembly and invited motivational speaker Fabian Ramirez to encourage students to do their best on the upcoming Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills (TAKS) test. Speaking to 200 kids that are scheduled to take the test in April, Ramírez went straight to the point:

“You have to be seasoned before you get grilled,” he said while holding 2 pounds of seasoned beef fajitas in the air before laying a portion over an electric grill. “Seasoned students are well done after they have been grilled.”

While this blogger greatly appreciates the metaphor, I think Mr. Ramírez should have added that failing the TAKS would turn these children into a bunch of burritos.

Puerto Rican Man in New York, Pissed Because ‘Hispanic’ Is Not a Race

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I thought I had heard everything about the 2010 Census, including NALEO’s efforts to get us off our tía’s couch and the Jesus-Caesar Augustus connection. But this one takes the cake: Turns out a Puerto Rican security guard in Bronx, New York, this week refused to fill out his Census form, because “Hispanic” was not an option under the Race box.

“For me to see this I feel kind of offended,” Richard Robles told WPIX.

And, why wouldn’t he? After all, for reasons I yet have to understand, the U.S. Census considers “Vietnamese,” “Korean” and “Japanese” a race. So, continuing that logic: If Korean people are of the “Korean race”, and “Vietnamese” people are from the “Vietnamese race,” I urge Mr. Robles’ to check himself as a proud member of the Puerto Rican race.

As for myself, I was truly offended “Human” was not an option; so I had to use the “Some other race –print race” space to spell out N.P.I. (Ni Pinche Idea)

Salma Hayek Wants to Clean Your Guts… and Apparently Also Your Wallet

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Not content with being married to, like, one of the richest men on the planet, Mexican bombshell Salma Hayek is launching Cooler Cleanse, a line of “hydraulically pressed cleansing juices” aimed at making us all look fabulous… just like her.

According to TMZ.com serious journalistic sources, Cooler Cleanse comes in 5 gut-busting flavors: green juice, grapefruit mint, beets and apples, young coconut water, and nut milk sweetened with dates.

Salma’s “hydraulic diet” is said to cost about $58 a day, which is kind of OK if you’re married to a millionaire and all.

Personally, my finances are “hydraulically squeezed” right now, so I will stick to Dr. Manny’s advice and run to my nearest bodega for my $2-a-pound bag of tomatillos.

U.S. ‘Taqueros’ Join Immigration Cause

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I always knew there was nothing like a good taco to get people moving. That is why I was happy to learn about Tacos for Justice, an initiative launched by a group of food vendors to raise money towards the fight for immigration reform.

According to California’s Valley Star, taco vendors are giving discounts to customers and at the same time contributing to the national Immigrant Justice Campaign by accepting coupons at their taco trucks and restaurants throughout the country.

As of March 18, three days before Sunday’s march for Immigration Reform in Washington, D.C., more than one million discount coupons to participating restaurants and lunch trucks had been distributed.

This blogger will gladly participate, but can I get a torta ahogada, instead?