There is nothing more satisfying than lying down on your sofa with People en español a good piece of literature and come face to face with the improbable: A two-page commercial for SPAM jalapeño, featuring an enlarged photo of what SPAM thinks is Mexican food.
The ad -which takes a full-page plus a one-third vertical in the April 2014 issue of People en español, includes everything you’d come to expect from made-believe Mexican food advertisements in the U.S., namely a jalapeño, a lime, a couple of plastic cactai and -what else?- a photo of Sir Can-A-Lot proudly shaking a pair of maracas.
What’s more puzzling to me, though is: Why is this ad in English and… do they really think my people would go for it?
In an inexplicably long article, Sofía Vergara told Women’s Wear Daily that her fragrance will have orchids and roses, not only because they are her favorite flowers, but because they are also Colombian.
“I wanted to bring a little bit of who I am, my ethnicity, where I’m from, and I thought it was very cool to be able to get flowers from Colombia actually into the perfume.”
I am sure she said all of this in an impossibly accented English, which is fine when you consider that is part of her charm and definitely the secret behind her many millions of non-ethnic money.
Yes, my friends. For reasons I yet have to comprehend -and according to the always reliable source of information for serious, professional journalists (i.e. Twitter)- Taco Bell has partnered with @TheHundreds to create “a pair of Mexican food-inspired illustrated socks.”
Don’t get me wrong, Taco Bell lovers. While I understand your fervor about some of the chain’s gastronomical creations, including the Dori-Taco and the Quesarito, I just wanted to take a second to let you in on a little secret of mine: Pssssst, that ain’t no Mexican food, you know?
Regardless, I’m sure you won’t be breaking the bank here as I can almost assure you these fine stockings have been hand-crafted in China by adorable 5-year-old Chinese kids… Awwww.
Anyhow, for a more accurate picture of what Mexican food looks like, you can click here, here or even here.
Earlier today, a couple of friends forwarded me a press release put out by Dallas-based Pizza Patrón pizza chain and urged me to do -or rather, write- something about it. The headline was attractive enough for me to pay attention:
At the heart of the matter was the refusal of “a number” of Spanish-language radio stations to air an upcoming radio spot for Pizza Patron’s new jalapeño-stuffed pizza. The reason? The name of such pizza, “La chingona” apparently does not sit well among executives at the radio stations and is considered un-apt for the good ol’ Latino family.
My immediate reaction was: Really?!?… Actually, that’s not accurate: My immediate reaction was: ¡No chinguen!
As a native of Mexico City, I grew up listening -and learning to master- all forms and variations of the noun chingada and the verb chingar. See? Growing up in Mexico, you don’t say “Damn it!” when things don’t go according to plan, you say Me lleva la chingada. Same when someone is getting on your case, you don’t ask him/her to bugger off, but instead say Chinga tu madre. When you are supremely awesome and superior (i.e. like yours truly) you simply say Soy muy chingona… etc. etc. The concept is so wonderfully rich, that even Octavio Paz wrote an entire essay about la chingada: Los hijos de la Malinche.
But I digress… According to the aforementioned press release, Pizza Patrón was informed that its new ad campaign “would not be permitted to air on a number of major radio networks,” because the word chingona is considered a profanity and presumably would offend the Great Catholic -and Well-Behaved- Latino Family in America.
Readers of my blog know I’m not fast-food’s best friend. In fact, I live a somehow happy life free of frito-stuffed sandwiches or jalapeño-stuffed pizzas. But to cry “profanity” for using a harmless, beautiful word like chingona in an ad campaign to tout a “chingona pizza” just makes me want to scream:
I think it’s nice of retailers to include Spanish-language signage in their stores. But if they are going to go the extra mile to include accents, they would be well advised to check a dictionary.
That shouldn’t be that hard, would it?
Photo: Laura Martínez, NYC.
UPDATE: An earlier version of this post misidentified the store. The photo was taken at Burlington Coat Factory in New York City.
Seriously, people, this blog cannot get enough “Mexican food” nonsense.
Just when I thought the height of ridiculousness had been reached with the Frito-stuffed Chicken Enchilada Melt and/or the Dori Taco, comes the Quesarito, a Quesadilla/Burrito hybrid.
According to Los Angeles Times –and for reasons I yet have to comprehend– the Quesarito is being tested only in Oklahoma City, presumably because Oklahomans were all cool about it and couldn’t tell the difference between one bad wrap and the other.
Also according to the L.A. Times, the Quesarito might not see the light of day outside Oklahoma. Thank God.
Three Twins Ice Cream, a company I never heard of but I think it’s on an awesome path to success, has partnered with Sergio Romo, a closer for the San Francisco Giants, to launch Sergio Romo’s Mexican Chocolate Ice Cream, which will be marketed -naturally- under the only possible tagline: It Only Tastes Illegal.
While I applaud the efforts of Three Twins Ice Cream to launch a Mexican/illegal-themed thing, I would be more inclined to try a Sergio Romo’s Peyote Popsicle or even a Sergio Romo’s Mota Cone. But… chocolate and cinnamon?
Meh!
Hat tip: Mi Blog es tu Blog SF correspondent: Kent German
The song is a modern tale of betrayal and sadness in the age of WhatsApp, Facebook and Twitter. I feel so bad for the monolingual crowd (i.e. most gringos) who will miss on the awesome lyrics of this jewel, that I’m hereby translating some of its best parts:
I wrote you a WhatsApp but you didn’t reply
And on Facebook you have another relationship
Since I didn’t want to send you an Inbox
Better to just upload this song to YouTube
I closed my account to live happily with you
And I got rid of the girls you hated
Because of you, I lost all my friendsand nobody liked my ‘status’ any more […]
Sometimes I cry very close to my keys (keyboard)
[Unstranslatable]
I would love for you to follow me on Twitter
Even if I don’t really understand how that thing works
I have an unlimited, new iPhone,
I have a brand new account, different from all the others
I have a profile pic posing off with a new ‘vieja’
Enrique Peña Nieto (aka as the Savior of Mexico) will meet today in Toluca with President Barack Obama and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper.
But despite all the good vibes and buena onda around this meeting, I’m genuinely worried about Mr. Peña Nieto’s poor command of the English language. So, even though I didn’t vote for the chap, nor I think he is saving Mexico, I’d like to take this opportunity to offer him my services as a professional simultaneous translator; or if he so prefers, to facilitate proper subtituleishon for his speech -which I’m sure will be historic.
Said subtituleishon will look a little bit like this:
MI BLOG ES TU BLOG 