Waiter, there’s a Mexican in my Google Doodle!

Mexican actress Dolores del Río was born Aug. 3, 1904

If you happen to visit Google.com today (which is, like, super likely) you’ll find a colorful homage to Dolores del Río, the legendary actress who went to become as famous in Hollywood than in her native Mexico.

Calling her a “trailblazer for women in Hollywood and beyond,” Google’s homage is more than welcome, especially these days when immigrants are increasingly being hailed as “personas non gratas.” 

Via: CNET en Español

See? Even the GOP Knows Mexicans Speak Perfect English Before Crossing the U.S. Border

mike-pape

Mike Pape, a Republican dude running for Kentucky’s first Congressional district, has released a new TV ad featuring what he thinks are Latino immigrants, complete with Mario Bros.-like mustaches and fake accents.

In the :30 TV spot (below) three men, presumably undocumented immigrants attempting to cross the border into the U.S., are running to a fence and cutting through it when they reveal their very specific political plans: To help stop Donald Trump and Ted Cruz but also Pape himself, because he’s going to help those two build a wall and repeal Obamacare and stuff.

The whole thing is so hilarious it’s hard to be offended. In fact, my favorite part of this whole thing are the English subtitles, because — in case you haven’t noticed — these guys are actually SPEAKING ENGLISH!

So, WTF Señor Pape? Get your caca together, man!

WATCH. CRINGE. DO NOT REPEAT.

Via: Think Progress

Hillary Clinton Makes Good on Her Promise to Be our Abuela

hillary

Making good on her promise to be the savior of my people and assume the role of our abuelas, Grandma Clinton has released Brave, a new 60-second spot in which we see her reassuring a young girl who says her parents are going to be deported.

“My parents have a letter of deportation,” the girl says. “I’m scared they are going to be deported.” Clinton then calls the girl on stage and tells her that she’s going to do everything she can to help her.

WATCH and do not try to hold back tears, because I guess that’s what we’re supposed to do upon seeing this thing.

When it Comes to New Citizens, the U.S. is Clearly not Looking for the ‘Best and Brightest’

citizens

Every now and then I toy with the idea of becoming a U.S. citizen, but as it has been the case, I always end up leaving the project in my special To do, but won’t do list.

Still, I often test myself using apps and online citizenship tests, mostly because they remind me that — should I ever take this thing seriously — it won’t be as hard as I’ve always feared. In fact, it’s one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever come across.

Are you scared of the citizenship test? Fear no more. Here’s what’s in store for you. Relax! have a margarita (or two) and just go follow your [primary school] instincts.

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Undocumented Immigrants: Why Deport them when you Can Just Send them to War?

No papers? No problem!
No papers? No problem!

It was only a few years ago, when U.S. Hispanics were deemed too fat and dumb to join the U.S. Army. But things are so much better now, apparently.

In its latest sneaky move to beef up enlistment, the U.S. military this week said it will be expanding a program to offer “fast track to citizenship for immigrants with special language or medical skills.”

According to a New York Times report, said program — known by the flamboyant name of Military Accessions Vital to the National Interest (yep) “seeks to increase to 3,000 enlistments this fiscal year and 5,000 in the 2016 fiscal year, up from the current limit of 1,500.”

And yes, while foreigners accepted to enlist have been legal immigrants on temporary visas, the program now welcomes “young undocumented immigrants with deportation deferrals.” Because… why bother deporting people when you can just send them to a dangerous war zone? I mean: duh.

Internet User in L.A. Poses Excellent Question about Mexicans

Jimena Sánchez has come to be known as 'The Mexican Kim Kardashian'
Jimena Sánchez is known as ‘The Mexican Kim Kardashian’

The Internet is an oasis of information, entertainment, endless time-wasting and — more importantly — thought-provoking inquiries.

Take Username_2000, a ‘Daily Mail Online’ reader in Los Angeles, California, who took to that empowering tool known as the “comments box” to ponder a likely burning question upon discovering the existence of Jimena Sánchez, a Mexican sports reporter who has come to be known as The Mexican Kim Kardashian.

Here’s Username_2000’s question as posted in the Daily Mail Online. (I’m leaving this here in case any one of you, loyal followers of this blog, feel like venturing a reply.)

La pregunta del millón
La pregunta del millón

I’m sure he’s still scratching his head. Poor thing.

Hat tip: Óscar Gutiérrez*

*Who else?

Just Say ‘Gracias’ and Have a Happy Thanksgiving Y’all!

Gracias, Jesús
Gracias, Jesús

This blogger will be taking some time off to embark on a food and drink rampage spiritual retreat to plan for the year ahead and thank my paisanos for all the hard work and for enduring stuff like this and this on a daily basis.

As for this blogger, she’s officially kicking off the GUAJOLOTE-REYES marathon, which runs from Nov. 25th and all the güey through January 6, 2015.

Beware the Salmon Cannon; it Could Inspire a MexiCannon

A close up of the Salmon Cannon, which could serve as inspiration for the MexiCannon
A close up of the Salmon Cannon, which could serve as inspiration for the MexiCannon

Behold the Salmon Cannon, a contraption that shoots salmon upstream, as this has become increasingly difficult because we humans just cannot leave fish and nature alone.

In a nutshell, the Salmon Cannon uses pressure to suck up a fish, send it through a tube at up to 22 mph and then shoot it out the other side, reaching heights of up to 30 feet. The contraption was used recently to move hatchery fish up a tributary of the Columbia River in Washington.

All this is great, of course, but knowing how “creative and entrepreneurial” the U.S. border patrol can get, I just hope it will not inspire any whacky ideas to start sending my people back to the other side of the Río Bravo.

A MexiCannon, anyone?

Hat tip: Kent German, Taco & Fisheries correspondent.

The ‘New York Times’ Exposes Our Plan to Sneak into the U.S.

IceAge

We didn’t plan for this to go public, but ‘The New York Times’ had to go and ruin it for us. Yes, part of Latinos’ master plan to sneak into this country is by disguising ourselves as movie mascots.

What the New York Times doesn’t know is that once we have managed to sneak in (like Mr. Martinez, above) we then move onto Phase II of the plan, which consists of a more elaborate scheme to rapidly populate the country.

Latinos are so Lazy, they Won’t Even Auto-Deport: Colbert

Jorge Ramos this week was in New York City to receive an EMMY award alongside his long-time co-anchor María Elena Salinas. But he also took the time to visit the set of The Colbert Report, where he was hilariously hammered on the topic of immigration, deportation and Mitt Romney’s mexicanness.

Watch Colbert ask Jorge tons of questions (using upside-down question marks, naturally.)

Watch it here or click on the photo above