Disney Wants you to Plunk Down $30 for Minnie Mouse Concha Ears Made in China

I don’t know about you, but when I think of Disney, I think of a ton of things before thinking Mexican sweet bread. But the house of Mickey Mouse is proudly peddling the $30 Minnie Mouse Concha Ears, which can be found –where else?– inside the Mexico Pavillion at Plaza de los Amigos.

The Concha Ears are apparently very popular among little Mexicans, because of the whole be-proud-of-where-you-come-from-thing. Alas, on closer inspection, these so-called conchas have been assembled in China –as pretty much anything we consume these days.

Way to crush my people’s concha dreams, Disney!

Via: Shop Disney

[Spoiler Alert] American Latinos United’s First Commercial Is Sad, Depressing AF

“They’re learning lessons; give them a better teacher.”

American Latinos United (ALU), a SuperPAC created with the sole purpose of defeating president Trump by activating Latino voters in key battleground states, has launched its first TV commercial, a sad reminder of the lessons being taught these days to our children –Latino or otherwise.

A joint effort by former Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and entrepreneur Fernando Espuelas, ALU’s sole strategic goal is “to decrease President Trump’s share of the Hispanic electorate by a small percentage change that would thereby deny him an Electoral College win and re-election to a second term.”

While the elections are still a few months away, ALU’s commercial is a sad (and timely) reminder that what we have right now in the White House can’t be good for children and adults alike, regardless our ethnic background.

OK just WATCH

Elizabeth Warren Launches Campaign Website in what she Believes is the Spanish Language

En realidad no estoy en, y he aquí por qué [yup, whatevs]
What’s with U.S. presidential candidates and sloppy Spanish?

Not to be outdone by Bernie Sanders’ donut-lorem-lorem “Spanish-language” Website thing, democratic contender Elizabeth Warren is also courting the so-called Hispanic vote with –what else?– sloppy Spanish!

Warren, who will be occasionally referred to by this blogger as “La Guarren” has spiced up her fundraising campaign Website with what she believes is copy in Spanish.

In addition to a phrase that makes no sense whatsoever (En realidad, no estoy en, y he aquí por qué,) la Guarren thinks “Cuestiones” is Spanish for Questions…. (oh an don’t get me started on the “los” vs. “las” disaster.)

I’m pretty sure that among the 50 plus million Hispanics that have “invaded” this great country, politicians can find at least one person who can properly write copy in Spanish (ahem, ahem.)

Get your act together, people, I’ll be watching!

Last but not least: This blog’s 2020 US Presidential Campaign and Hispandering tags are officially open. So yay!

Celebrate Mexican Independence Like the Locals

I hope by now you are aware that Cinco de Mayo is NOT Mexico’s Independence Day. Sixteen of September is, and the bash actually kicks off on the night of the 15, so by the time the 16 actually arrives, everybody is just too drunk to remember anything.

I might be a gringa now, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still a Mexican, so I decided to put together a quick list of the Five Things you Must Do to Celebrate El Grito in this increasingly globalized country.

1. Buy a Made-in-China Mexican flag

2. Go to your nearest Walmart and stock up on the cheapest non-Agave Tequila. (The real thing is too expensive for the average Mexican, and its production is already exclusive for exporting to gringos.)

3. Tell your wife you want your pozole spicy, even if she cannot afford to buy meat anymore.

4. Tune in the Canal de las Estrellas to witness our pathetic president yell ¡Viva México! repeatedly

5. Yell ¡Viva México! — repeatedly — right after our pathetic president. Hopefully by this time you’ll be too wasted on the fake-Tequila methanol to feel any shame.

Repeat as many times necessary until you feel a true patriotic fervor.

¡Viva México! ¡Viva México! ¡Viva México!

BONUS:

If anything else fails, go get a Texican Whopper or a Quesalupa. See you on the 16th as everyone will be most likely be puking somewhere.

Starbucks, Now Serving Coffee with a Dash of Racism

I’ll have a Venti with room for racism

Paisanos BEWARE!

Next time you go to a Starbucks and order a venti, tall, mocha, latte, foamy frapuccino (or whatever the hell it is they call a coffee over there) make sure to leave some room for … racism.

In the latest episode involving the coffee chain and a non-white person, a Latino customer says that when he received his drink, it came with the word BEANER written on it –even though he clearly told them his name was Pedro, which apparently is synonym of “Mexican.”

I’m not entirely sure why, but these type of “incidents” are happening more and more frequently in this melting pot we call America. Perhaps it’s just part of the whole process of making it GREAT AGAIN. 🤔

Via: USA Today

Move Over, Cronut… Here Comes the Tacro, a Croissant-Taco Mashup

The latest croissant food mashup is “only” $12 apiece! Yes, I said dollars…

Not content with giving us the cronut and the biscuit taco, America is at it again, this time with the “Tacro,” a mashup of a –yes, you guessed it– taco and a croissant that apparently is already selling like hot-cakes. The pastry (which is exactly what it sounds like) regularly sells out at Mr. Holmes Bakehouse just north of the Tenderloin.

According to the always relevant Yahoo.com,  the tacro costs $12 and can be found at Vive La Tarte, a San Francisco eatery which has been experimenting with “unique croissant flavors” like blood orange and lemon meringue.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. Every day we stray further from the truth.

Hat tip: @BetoGuero

Now You Can Get High on Tamales, Because California

Marijuana-infused tamales, anyone?
Marijuana-infused tamales, anyone?

Have you ever had a delicious meat-filled, spicy tamal but thought: ‘Heck, this is is missing something?’

Worry no more: Señorita Sensi, a San Diego-based maker of Mexican edibles, has you covered.

As founder Yvanne Castañeda, a legitimate marijuana medical patient, told the local press:

“I wanted to focus on my culture […] so, I came up with medicated elotes, tamales, quesadillas, agua de limón, sopas, menudo, albóndigas. [Our Mexican food] is as authentic as it gets in the nation.”

And to think I have been avoiding California for decades…

Come on, you know you want to go follow them on Instagram.senoritasensis
Via: Merryjane.com

Taco Bell is Testing a Burrito Loaded with French Fries

The California Loaded Fries Burrito in all its awful glory.

If you freaked out when you read the news about Taco Bell’s chocolate-flavored pubic lice, you’ll definitely want to hear about the chain’s next outrageous proposition:

Introducing The California Loaded Fries Burrito, a burrito stuffed with –yes, you guessed it!–  french fries and other things, including ground “beef” as the protein of choice, nacho cheese and sour cream.

According to multiple sources, these abominations cost $1.99 apiece and –thankfully– can only be found as a test item at locations in Charleston, West Virginia.

I’m so sorry for you, West Virginians. We’ll keep you in my prayers.

Via: Foodbeast

Taco Bell’s Thanksgiving Menu is so Ludicrous, it’s Actually Funny

These ‘things’ you see here are Turkeritos: Yep, turkey ‘tacos’

Taco Bell’s Friendsgiving menu is so ridiculous, it’s actually funny. Among my faves: The turkeritos; the pumpkin spice caramel apple empanadas; the chocolate churros with chile ancho and –of course– the butternut squash chalupa bites.

Fortunately for ALL of us, Taco Bell’s annual Friendsgiving meal was only available last week and it was only for VIP’s at the company’s headquarters.

Phew!

You Guys! It’s National Menudo Month in America

HAPPY MONTH… YOU!

Marketers are one restless bunch.

Not content with giving us National  Taco *and* Vodka Day, National Guacamole Day, Cinco de Mayo and all those wonderful faux culinary celebrations, a California brand of canned “Mexican food” informs me we’re in the midst of National Menudo Month.

Per Juanita’s Food:

Turns out there is so much to celebrate, that the brand in question is launching a national competition to find the BEST MENUDO RECIPE — and to crown the King/Queen of Menudo in two states!

According to the rules of this solemn competition, participants are being asked to bring their homemade menudo to one of the 6 regional menudo tasting events in Texas and California.

The homemade menudo winner in each city will get a $1,000 prize, which should be enough to buy the new iPhone X (without a protective case, that is) –or dozens of Juanita’s Food spicy canned menudo on Amazon.com.

So, now you know.

Enjoy National Menudo Month while I go hang myself.

California Bar Gave Away ‘Green Cards’ for Climbing Inflatable Wall, Because Cinco de Mayo

Speaking of awesome Cinco de Mayo marketing ideas, a bar in California decided it was a great idea to celebrate the faux Mexican holiday by offering … fake green cards to drunken patrons willing to climb an inflatable border wall.

Wait. What?

According to the always reliable Gustavo Arellano, Hennessey’s Tavern, in Dana Point, California thought it was idea to build a “wall” and offer patrons willing to climb it a “green card,” which would not actually grant them legal status, but get them a free drink, because nothing says “fun” as drunken gringos wearing sombreros and climb walls, you know?

It looks like the promotion  — and several videos associated with the stunt — have all been deleted from the bar’s Instagram account, and the establishment in question has since apologized. But, hey, haven’t these people heard about screenshots *and* pesky bloggers?

Via: OCWeekly

This Steakhouse Will Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with a $100 Margarita, Because Why the Hell not?

Behold, the $100 margarita

Every single year, for as long as I can remember, American corporations do their best to step up their Cinco de Mayo game by launching one ridiculous thing after the other one. Every. Single. Time.

This year, the contenders for this blog’s Stupidest Cinco de Mayo Marketing Effort Award include Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse, a California eatery that will celebrate the nonsensical, American-made “Mexican holiday” with a $100 margarita.

Sí, señor. One hundred dolaritos for a pinche margarita, which features “premium liquor, including Tequila Herradura Selección Suprema and Grand Marnier Centenaire.”

But wait. How does a mix of Herradura and Grand Marnier justify such a high price? I’m glad you asked!

According to an unnecessarily long press release, the $100 margarita “is served in Baccarat’s uniquely designed Diamant Highball, and guests will be invited to take home the glass in Baccarat’s iconic red box.”

OKAY, then, I guess it all makes sense now.

Kill me now.

This Guy Wanted to Build a Wall in his Restaurant Because Hispanics Don’t Tip 😂

“Give MI a break,” says Wayte.

Poor Steve Wayte.

The owner of a weirdly named sushi restaurant in California is under fire after making a joke that some of my people (i.e. Fast & Furious Hispanics) DID. NOT. FIND. FUNNY.

The joke? Upon realizing that Hispanics tend to not leave tips in his restaurant, Wayte wrote the following on his Facebook page:

As expected, the Fury of Twitter descended on the poor guy, who had to apologize like 100 times, first on social media and then on national television, saying he did not mean any harm.

But none of this mattered, of course, because last time I checked, a local politician named Henry Perea was still pretty pissed and calling for a boycott of — are you ready? — Roll One For Mi.

Come on, people. Give Steve a break! Today for MI, tomorrow for USTEDES.

Via: Fresno Bee