Mexico Urges UNESCO to Protect Its Food Before it Looks Like This

Not content with having Teotihuacán and Chichen Itzá among UNESCO’s protected cultural sites, Mexican officials are lobbying the organization to consider something even more worthy of recognition: Mexican cuisine.

Despite undergoing the country’s worst political and economic crisis in decades (and having organized crime virtually running the country,) Mexican cultural buffs, are urging U.N. officials to decide whether to add Mexico’s food to UNESCO’s list of cultural patrimony.

Such decision is of utmost importance, especially when one looks at the progress made in the Mexican culinary area by the likes of McDonald’s, Old El Paso and Chipotle.

So, please, U.N. officials: Show some respect to our tamales!

Oh No! ‘La Migra’ is Now After Our Chicharrón!

Sorry, guys. If you thought you could continue to bring in your deliciously greasy chicharrón from Mexico, think again. Starting this week, the U.S. Customs and Border Protection is enforcing new rules that are making it harder for you to bring these delicacies into the United States. Why?

According to U.S. officials, the ban is meant to target “exotic animal diseases originating in certain parts of Mexico.”

They gotta be kidding me! since when are Mexican puercos exotic? have you ever seen one?

Anyhow, I’d be more careful if I were you: the penalty for not declaring your chicharrón at the border can be up to $1,000 for personal importation and up to $250,000 for commercial importation.

Sigh.

In a Coup Against the McSkillet, a Hispanic Chef Latinizes the Burger

If you thought Latinos were going to stay on the sidelines after McDonald’s made the bold step to put its Big Mac on a tortilla, you were plain wrong.

In an unprecedented, culinary vindictive coup, Hispanics (in Miami, where else?) are striking back by launching the Latin Burger Truck, a kitchen on wheels featuring the $5.75 Latin Burger, a “blend of ground chuck, chorizo and sirloin, topped with melted Oaxaca cheese, caramelized onions and red-pepper mayo,” so that you, too, will be able to boost your cholesterol levels á la Latin style.

The Latin Burger on wheels is the brainchild of Ingrid Hoffman, the Colombia-born host of Simply Delicioso, a Food Network cooking show that (I hope) teaches us a little more than adding chorizo on American junk food.

Coca-Cola Lays Out Hispanic Marketing Plan for 2020: Soccer is for Men. Novelas are for Women

If you thought the soft drink giant a.k.a. The Coca-Cola Company couldn’t care less about the growing multicultural crowd, think again. The company this week laid out its vision for the future, which means a “strong focus” on multicultural marketing as soon as … 2020.

But that is not all. As Katie Bayne, CMO of Coca-Cola North America, was quoted saying:

“Our multicultural plans are now 12-month plans. It is no longer Hispanic heritage month followed by Cinco de Mayo […] We have a deep connection through the World Cup with Hispanic males and through the novelas with Hispanic females.”

No matter Cinco de Mayo (which happens in May) is actually followed by Hispanic Heritage Month (Sept.-October)… Coca-Cola will be using soccer to attract Hispanic men, and novelas to attract Hispanic females.

Yupi! I cannot wait for 2020…

Source: Advertising Age

Eva Longoria Named ‘Philanthropist of the Year.’ Perhaps She Can Treat me to Some Tortilla Española

You might not know this but The Hollywood Reporter this week named Eva Longoria (a.k.a. La Prieta Fea) “Philanthropist of the Year,” reportedly

“For her relentless dedication to giving back to her community and serving others as well as for her long-standing commitment to Latino causes.”

Which I think is great, because as a member of the uninsured Latino community, I could use a discount on the $34 Spanish tortilla that graces the menu pages of her Hollywood eatery.

Now, that would be very philanthropic… and delicious!

OMG You Guys! Nestlé Opens a Water Market in the Bronx [And Cristina Will be There to Greet You]

35069-Nestle_PureLifeQuestion: How does Nestlé Waters North America celebrate “its commitment to the Hispanic community?”

Answer: Opening a Nestlé Pure Life Mercado del Agua in the Bronx. [Duh!]

And no, this is not a joke, nor an hallucination of this blogger. El Mercado del Agua is opening its doors as we speak (Saturday Nov. 14) and Univision’s one and only Cristina Saralegui is there right now, ready to autograph your own bottle.

Are you still here???? What are you waiting for?!! Get your fat Latino ass off the sillón and go get your dose of celebrity-endorsed water!

Julio César Chávez to Launch Restaurant [I Only Hope I Will be Able to Afford it]

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Julio César Chávez, the famous Mexican boxer who brought us the Energía de Campeones energy drink, is making his debut as a restauranteur with Campeones, a 30,000 square-foot eatery in Mesa, Arizona.

The new restaurant -scheduled to open Nov. 10th- promises customers authentic Mexican food, a full sports bar and even a Boxing Museum, where you can host your upcoming quinceañera.

No word yet on the price of food, though I can only hope it will be a little less steep than Eva Longoria’s Beso, where you can snatch a Spanish tortilla for “only” $34.

KFC Wants You to Know That Eating Junk Food is Better, Cheaper than Cooking at Home

Watch as a presumably-single, working Hispanic mom challenges her kids to cook a 7-piece meal with less than $10 and then -wisely- conclude they are all better off eating junk, Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Because, really, how else are you going to feed your increasingly fat Latino kids if not with a super cheap dose of fried food, soda and gravy-filled mash potatoes? [What ever happened to our tomatillo & cilantro-rich diet?]

I bet Dr. Manny is going to get a heart attack over this one.

Huarache Truck in Brooklyn Nabs Top Prize at 2009 Vendy Awards. The Martínez Name Lives On!

Forget falafel and jerk chicken on wheels. The winners of the fifth annual Vendy Award, granted to the best of the best food vendors in New York City, are Fernando and Yolanda Martínez, the husband and wife owners of Country Boys Taco truck in Red Hook, Brooklyn.

The Martinezes -sadly NOT related to this blogger- specialize in delicious, enormous huaraches made fresh and on the spot inside their truck.

¿Quién dijo que no se puede?

Honor Your Heritage. Eat Pizza. Drink Pepsi. Be Fat

2004.10.01.obese_childrenHispanic Heritage Month is in full swing now, and because there is never a better time to celebrate our heritage, Pizza Patrón has partnered with Pepsi Co. to bring us “!Viva Latino! Pizza Patron y Pepsi Festejan el Mes Patrio” [sic]

Notwithstanding the lack of proper punctuation, the special promotion has been “specifically designed to honor Latin culture” by having us indulge in unhealthy amounts of fast-food and soda.

According to a story in QSR:

With any 2-liter purchase of Pepsi products through September 30, customers will receive a free phone egrip Non-Slip Strip. The egrip […] features the Pizza Patron and Pepsi logos, as well as Pizza Patron’s slogan, “Latin Life, Enjoy.”

Latin Life, Enjoy?

What ever happened to Dr. Manny Alvarez and his Hot Latin Diet?

And Now… Tortilla + Lime + Salt Chocolate

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Marketing minds never stop working; so it is marketers we shall thank for the upcoming snack craze: Exotic chocolates (or shall I say “chockolates”?) featuring Ramen Noodle, French Toast and Tortilla lime+ salt flavors.

This super idea, someone tells me, comes from Komforte Chockolates, a company I know nothing about but to which I’d love to pitch the following flavors. How ’bout:

1. Chockolate pibil

2. Chockotinga

3. Chorilate

4. Mochapeño

5. Choco-chilaquiles

Will they make this blogger very happy and release some of these by September 16?

‘Beso’, Home of the $34 Tortilla Española, Will Expand. And I Still Won’t be able to Afford it

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My favorite retro-acculturated Latina, Eva Longoria, is so hyped about the success of her Hollywood eatery Beso, that she’s going to expand it soon, with Beso Vegas expected to open on New Year’s Eve 2010.

But wait! My very well-informed sources claim she is also looking to open up smaller eateries at airports around the country… but since they are going to have a limited menu, she is going to name them Besitos. [Which made me think, oh, oh, how corny cute!]

In addition to Eva’s tortilla soup and Eva’s avocado guacamole [sic] Beso features a $34 tortilla española and a $36 Beso paella, because there is nothing like European stuff to spice up your Latin-infused menu and make diners pay through the nose.

(Hungry? Download here the full Dinner_Menu)

Tough Job Ahead for Mexican Cops

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Speaking of spending taxes wisely, the Mexican police force wants our cops to look less like the guy on the left and more like the stud on the right. So, it is embarking on an ambitious plan to tackle the growing obesity among police officers.

According to media reports, Mexico’s Ministry of Public Security this week called upon the policemen to lose weight by living a healthy life like drinking more water, taking physical exercises and not eating junk food. Also:

“The ministry has sent 53 experts to give instructions on how to lose weight. Sports competitions like boxing, soccer and long-distance running will also be organized for the policemen.”

The government yet has to explain how these fellows will be able to afford healthy foods (i.e. not tacos de canasta) with a salary of $600 a month and how many sessions of soccer and boxing are needed to finally tackle the country’s rampant crime rate.

Forget Corn Flakes. Cargill Knows What We Really Want for Breakfast

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Only a few days ago, we learned that Hispanics were nuts for a touch of honey in our food, but now, Cargill has come forward to give the marketing world a lesson on what our real Latino palates are all about.

Per a June 30th press release, the company has launched a new line of pork products, which are “based on extensive consumer research to match and exceed the needs and expectations of multicultural customers such as Hispanics and African Americans.”

“The new Rumba pork products include ears, hocks, jowls, kidneys, neckbones, split front feet, stomach, tails, fatback skins, hearts and livers.”

Because, you know, there is nothing like a good pair of split front feet to begin our day!