Category: Stupid propositions

Latina Bloggers Now Come with a Dose of Tabasco Sauce

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The SuperLatina host and her company, AGANARmedia, attended Hispanicize hand in hand with Tabasco.
Per this poster, SuperLatina host has been appointed Official Correspondent of Tabasco sauce — for some reason.

OK, shame on me, but given the fact they will never invite me again, my very busy schedule, this year I was not able to attend Hispanicize, that smoochfest between Mommy Bloggers and their Corporate Sugar Daddys I once had the fortune to witness.

However, thanks to the power of Internet — and online press releases — I was able to follow closely the details of the 2015 edition of Hispanicize, including a very important piece of news: Gaby Natale, the blogger aka SuperLatina was at hand to “spice up” the Latinovator Award event with “a good dose of Tabasco sauce.” Why?

Per the aforementioned press release:

Hispanicize is like the Latino South by Southwest. If it’s happening, Hispanicize is where you’ll find it. That makes it a perfect fit for Tabasco, a very unique company that blends the traditionalism of a 147-year-old company with a cutting-edge sense of branding

I’ll do my best to try to attend next year, if only to see how far “my spicy background” can get me.

I’ll keep y’all posted, but Shhhhh…. Don’t tell anyone!

This Mexican Mayor Lifted a Woman’s Skirt in Public at a $1-Million Party, Because Mexico

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mayor

Awwww Mexico…

The land of the collective smooch and the “coold cocnuts” is also the Global Headquarters of mustachioed, sombrero-clad disgusting politicians.

In the latest Kafkaesque episode of our never boring political telenovela, Mexican Mayor Hilario Ramírez Villanueva this week jumped to the spotlight after a video emerged showing the moment he whipped up the skirt of a young woman he was dancing with.

According to several reports, the footage was captured during the mayor’s lavish 44th birthday party for which he reportedly paid a whopping $1 million and which we can only assume featured plenty of booze, drugs and babes.

Ramírez Villanueva has shrugged off his critics and has denied spending that much on his birthday bash. He even asked [politely] Jorge Ramos to refrain from mentioning his mother –this, after the Univision anchor confronted the Mayor and asked him what he would think if someone did the same to his progenitor.

Screen Shot 2015-03-19 at 3.50.26 PM

Watch the interview below [in Spanish]:

 

Brave Irishman in Utah will be Making Tacos for St. Paddy’s Day

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IrishTacos

St. Patrick’s Day was already this blogger’s favorite binge-drinking U.S. holiday, and now there’s even more reason to celebrate.

Paul Crowley, age 81, and grandsons will be taking advantage of the Mexican-themed celebration to host the grand opening of O’Crowley Irish Tacos & Juice Press Smoothies in Lindon, Utah.

According to the local press:

Irish tacos […] are made with shredded potatoes and can be topped with onions, cilantro, avocado and the regular lettuce, tomato, cheese plus sour cream and.. salsa verde.

I don’t know about you, but I’d love to try grandpa’s Irish tacos. They look like they would perfectly fit in one of these awesome taco truck taco holders.

… if I only lived in Utah.

Here is a $12.99 Plastic Taco Truck Taco Holder

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Because make believe 'tacos' must be held, somehow
Because make believe ‘tacos’ must be held, somehow

If you are one of those people who insist on eating hard-shell “tortillas” stuffed with a suspicious melange of sour cream, olives, cheddar cheese and lettuce, you might as well be interested in the $12.99 Taco Truck Taco Holder, a plastic contraption that will help you “cradle” one of those… things.

It’s only $12.99, so how can you go wrong?

Ruining Tacos, Now Available in 3D Printing Fashion

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A 3D printed donut cutter was used to produce puffed deep fried taco donuts
A 3D printed donut cutter was used to produce puffed deep fried taco donuts

Some genius (i.e. Imgur user BarryAbrams) has invented a 3D doughnut cutter that basically makes it possible to 3D print a “donut taco,” whatever that means. The project, explained here in detail, allows to fill a doughnut with “taco stuff,” which is something his creator wanted to do when he was fifteen.

Per Abrams himself:

[The taco donuts] were partially dunked in queso cheese [SIC,] then some sour cream was piped on like frosting. A little guacamole, some cilantro and some sriracha to top it off.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like throwing a 3D-printed chancla to the inventor of this thing and politely demand some more taco respect.

Ecuador Really Wants Your Attention During the Super Bowl

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Ecuador

I don’t mean to be a party pooper but when your tiny little country is buried in debt, the last thing you want to do is pay $4 million for a 30-second commercial to air during a sports event that will likely be seeing by millions of people who will be too drunk — and too stuffed on guacamole– to care about going to Galapagos any time soon.

Still, according to media reports, the government of Ecuador has plunked down a whopping $ 3.8 million to air a a 30-second commercial during Super Bowl XLIX on Sunday night. The commercial will be to the tune of All You Need Is Love, by the Beatles, as it’s part of a larger All You Need Is Ecuador campaign aimed at American tourists.

Here’s a sneak peak of the promo leading up to the commercial that you probably won’t pay attention to this Sunday.

Eva Longoria to Star in NBC Show about a Latina who doesn’t Speak Spanish — of Course

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eva-longoria-telenovela-star

Eva Longoria (aka as La Prieta Faya and this blogger’s favorite retroacculturated Latina) has been tapped as the star of Telenovela, a 13-episode NBC comedy slated for the 2015-2016 TV season.

The decision to pick Longoria wouldn’t be more appropriate: The show tells the story of a telenovela actress who doesn’t speak Spanish, and we all know that while Ms. Longoria is not a telenovela star, she is indeed extremely challenged when it comes to the language of Cervantes.

I can’t wait to not watch for the show to start. However, it’s a pity NBC didn’t cast Mr. Erick Estrada as her co-star in this thing. After all he’s the only actual telenovela actor I know who ever got away with making a telenovela despite his very poor command of Spanish.

See? This is what NBC viewers will be missing.

Meet the Sarape-clad Latino-Muslim Undocumented Terrorist

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Meet the Sarape-clad Latino-Muslim undocumented terrorist
Meet the Sarape-clad Latino-Muslim undocumented terrorist

Awwww, my people can be so creative! (and by that I mean both, Latinos and editors.)

Take the National Institute for Latino Policy (NALIP), which recently posted the findings of a five-year-old study about the misrepresentation of Latinos and Muslims in national broadcast and cable news.

Among other things, the study found that both, Latinos and Muslims are overrepresented as the ‘bad guys’ across national TV, with Latinos being — almost invariably — undocumented criminals and Muslims, well, hopeless terrorists.

But hold on. I’m all up for my people (and everybody else’s people) not to be singled out as the bad guys on television. But I do think using a Sarape-Inspired Male Niqab to illustrate this story is a bit of a stretch.

I mean… I just went LOL.

Sometimes I Think Marketers are Just Screwing with My Head

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Wait. What?!
Wait. What?!

So, there I was, minding my own business; walking the streets of Manhattan; thinking about a God whose naughtiness might have escaped me when, suddenly, out of the blue, boom! I bump into a 3-meter-high advertisement for Pito Rico, a seemingly real product hailing from Puerto Rico, promising a night-long fiesta.

At first I thought someone was just screwing with my head, putting things out there for the pure enjoyment of this blog’s readers.

But no. Not only this “Pito Rico” exists; this thing has its own Website and is coming to a liquor store near us!

Photo: Laura Martínez, Harlem, NY 2015

This Church Claims God is Having Sexual Pleasure with you

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Wait. What?
Wait. What?

No, the devil is not in the details; the devil is in the bad translations.

Take St. Ignatius, an Austin-based catholic parish, which — in an effort to lure more Hispanics — decided to translate its holy message into Spanish.

However, St. Ignatius’ publicists would have been well advised to know that “God Delights in you” shouldn’t be translated as God se goza contigo, which is Spanish for, ahem, ahem…  “God is having sexual pleasure with you.”

I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a very uncomfortable proposition –and one that does not make me want to attend church any time soon.

hat tip: Le Chanclé

Taco Bell Wants the ‘Taco Emoji’ to Look Like this

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The proposed taco emoji by Taco Bell
The proposed taco emoji by Taco Bell

Taco Bell has launched a campaign through the site Change.org to push for the creation (ASAP) of a taco emoji, because as Taco Bell — and yours truly — knows, this is really a really top priority and stuff.

Per Taco Bell’s formal petition before the Unicode Consortium, a non-profit that regulates the coding standards for written computer text that includes emojis:

The taco emoji is a potential candidate for the release, but we need your help convincing them THE TACO EMOJI NEEDS TO HAPPEN.

I’m not the one to criticize such noble effort; in fact, I’ve been pushing for “culturally-relevant” emojis for some time time. But Taco Bell — and the Unicode Consortium — must understand a taco emoji couldn’t possibly look like the one above (Exhibit A).

A taco emoji should look like this. (Exhibit B)

A taco emoji should resemble this
A taco emoji should resemble this

So speaking about priorities and without further ado, let’s vote, shall we?

Looks Like Mexican-Spanish Cuisine is a ‘Thing’ in the U.S.

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New York City
Frederick, Maryland

Call me crazy, but last time I checked, Spanish cuisine had absolutely nothing to do with the cuisine of my forefathers (i.e. the Mexicans).

I mean, we cannot even agree on what the hell a tortilla is all about, so WTH?

Anyhow, I guess I shouldn’t be that shocked, after all this time living on this side of the border, the country that has given us the Fritos Enchilada Melt and the $10 non-taco tacos, among many other horrors.

So let’s welcome yet one more nonsensical ethnic meal and, ¡coño! ¡que viva la comida Hispano-Mexicana!

Colombian Mexican Restaurant: Are you Confused Yet?

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ColombiaMexican

Well, as I said before, this whole Colombia vs. Columbia thing is becoming ridiculous, lately confusing the almighty writers over at The New York Times — and even this poor blogger.

And just to continue to mess up with our heads, comes a Colombian Mexican Restaurant, an apparent new addition to Restaurant Row in Midtown Manhattan.

So let’s recap: It’s not Columbia, it’s Colombian, and it sells Colombian, not Columbian, and Mexican food in New York City.

Wait. What?!

Click here for a comprehensive coverage of this blog’s Colombia vs. Columbia conundrum.

Hat tip: Chris Albi

This is What a Mexican Clinic Did to your Babies Born in 1974

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'Fuimos cambiados al nacer'
Yes, this is an actual print promotion of the ‘Cambiados al nacer’ initiative

From the “Only in Mexico” and “Not The Onion” archives, comes Cambiados al nacer (Switched at Birth,) an initiative launched by a group of citizens in Toluca, Mexico, informing people born between July 23 and 24, 1974 that they might have been given to the wrong set of parents.

So far, the Facebook page of Cambiados al nacer has a mere 418 followers, but heck, they even got a story in a local newspaper, aptly titled: Se equivocó la cigüeña (The Stork Made a Mistake.)

I personally find this very amusing, mostly because I was not born in Toluca in 1974, but if you did, you should be worried. Very. Worried.

Hat tip: @Oscargutiez