Time to Help Hispanic Seniors Navigate Medicare

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Ah… the wonders of marketing!

In an effort to promote a free seminar on Medicare to Hispanics seniors, the ever-creative minds of United HealthCare are combining a series of educational talks with a session of Zumba, the Latin-infused fitness program that blends the rhythms of salsa and rumba… because there is nothing like a tough, sweaty, cardiovascular salsa-infused exercise routine to help senior citizens navigate this country’s surreal health-care system.

Note to Hispanic seniors: To attend the seminar, you are required to wear sneakers (i.e. tenis, not ball-room dancing shoes) and hopefully be healthy enough to endure hours of aerobic workout.

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Come Sing With ‘Los Tigres’… at 33,000 Feet

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volarisVolaris, the Mexican low-cost airline that lets you fly from Toluca to Oakland for only $148 round-trip, is now offering norteño music fans the chance to see Los Tigres del Norte perform at 33,000 feet above the ground.

Yeah, that’s right. Volaris has partnered with Bandamax to launch Vuelo Volaris – Bandamax, a promotion offering 40 lucky winners the chance to fly on August 12 between Toluca and Los Angeles and watch Los Tigres perform live while you fly (and presumably when the passenger seat belts lights are off.)

And Just When You Thought the Whole ‘Ugly Betty’ Marketing Thing was Over…

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ugly_betty_diet_coke_bottleI thought I had seen everything (from the unimaginable to the ridiculous) surrounding the Ugly Betty marketing phenomenon… until the English came up with a special-edition Diet Coke Ugly Bottle promotion that is sweeping London and turning young Brit teens into wearers of Guadalajara-labeled ponchos.

The pink leopard-ish bottle even comes with stickers that you can put on it because, you know, there is nothing like placing a sticker on your soda to make your beverage experience more refreshing.

For a behind-the-scenes video surrounding the latest Ugly Betty brouhaha click on the video below.

Tough Job Ahead for Mexican Cops

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Speaking of spending taxes wisely, the Mexican police force wants our cops to look less like the guy on the left and more like the stud on the right. So, it is embarking on an ambitious plan to tackle the growing obesity among police officers.

According to media reports, Mexico’s Ministry of Public Security this week called upon the policemen to lose weight by living a healthy life like drinking more water, taking physical exercises and not eating junk food. Also:

“The ministry has sent 53 experts to give instructions on how to lose weight. Sports competitions like boxing, soccer and long-distance running will also be organized for the policemen.”

The government yet has to explain how these fellows will be able to afford healthy foods (i.e. not tacos de canasta) with a salary of $600 a month and how many sessions of soccer and boxing are needed to finally tackle the country’s rampant crime rate.

Brüno’s ‘Brutality’ Against Mexicans Already Annoying Some non-Mexicans

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As if there was nothing better to worry about us, “poor Mexicans” (i.e. economic collapse, rampant violence, daily kidnappings, swine flu, etc. etc.) the latest controversy regarding my people has to do with the upcoming Mexican release of Brüno, the movie featuring a gay model-turned-TV reporter played by Sacha Baron Cohen.

In his regular Miami Herald column, Argentinean journalist Andrés Oppenheimer slams Brüno for being “particularly brutal to Mexicans.” The brutality, he says, is clear during a scene in which Brüno invites his celebrity guests to sit on top of live Mexican men on their fours.

“Come and sit on our great furniture,” Brüno tells one of his show’s guests, Paula Abdul. “These are our Mexican chair people. Demi Moore has two of them in her house.”

To spice up the column, Oppenheimer quotes yet another Bruno: Bruno Ferrari, the head of Pro-Mexico, the Mexican government agency in charge of revamping the country’s image abroad, who confesses to having mixed feelings about the whole thing (though I’m not really sure if he knew anything about Brüno). Promptly, he sentenced:

“We will have to do a profound analysis to see how to react to this.”

Really!!!

(I’m happy to know my family’s tax money is finally being put into something useful.)

At Last! A Barbie Doll I Can Relate to

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After decades months of despair for not being able to see myself in those slim, cute Barbie dolls, I found one that actually looks like this blogger after indulging in too many “typically-Latino” breakfasts.

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The print ad is actually part of a broader campaign executed by Austin, Tx.-based LatinWorks for Active Life Movement, an organization that for some reason wants me to get up and move. The campaign includes other fatsy superheroes, including a not-so-cute chubby Superman.

Mexico Is so Awkward That Rich Kids Play Tennis on Top of a Mariachi

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Lucas, the makers of some of my favorite Mexican treats, have tapped a pair of Mariachi-riding tennis players to pitch the awkwardness of Skwinkles, a sweet and sour candy that would probably ruin your liver -and teeth… whether you are rich (or weird) enough to play tennis or not.

N.del E. Please note that these mariachis are wearing the real thing… not at all like those for sale in Cataluña.

While These Dolls Vacation in Mexico, This Blogger is Off to an Undisclosed Location

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I yet have to find a T-shirt that spells out where this blogger likes to go on vacation. In the meantime, I leave you with these other Latinas, who despite swine flu and The Huffington Post, still like to have fun down there.

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Have a happy summer and don’t despair if I don’t update this blog that often. You have years of my useless insightful observations to go over in the meantime!

Forget Corn Flakes. Cargill Knows What We Really Want for Breakfast

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Only a few days ago, we learned that Hispanics were nuts for a touch of honey in our food, but now, Cargill has come forward to give the marketing world a lesson on what our real Latino palates are all about.

Per a June 30th press release, the company has launched a new line of pork products, which are “based on extensive consumer research to match and exceed the needs and expectations of multicultural customers such as Hispanics and African Americans.”

“The new Rumba pork products include ears, hocks, jowls, kidneys, neckbones, split front feet, stomach, tails, fatback skins, hearts and livers.”

Because, you know, there is nothing like a good pair of split front feet to begin our day!

Chávez Urges Venezuelans to Use Their ‘Vergatarios’ (And it’s NOT What you Think)

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You might not know this (why would you?) but the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela prides itself -among many other things- on having manufactured one of the world’s cheapest cellular telephones, specifically designed to be available to the masses in a sort of no-caller-left-behind communications policy.

“The $14 phone is made using Chinese technology and featuring a camera, radio and MP3 player,” according to a Reuters story.

So far so good, but somebody still has to explain to this blogger why Mr. Hugo Chávez insisted in naming these cuties Vergatarios (a crude name for male genitalia). Judging for the picture, the “penis phone” looks quite small…

oh… I see. Never mind!

Televisa Wants You to Know South Africans are a Bunch of Savages

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Mexicans (and other Latin Americans for that matter) can be very touchy when they perceive they are being portrayed using stereotypes (hats, maracas, excessive soccer, mortal diseases… you name it). But -as my abuela used to say- we are often quick to find the faults in others, while being blind at our own faults (eso de la paja en el ojo ajeno, pues…)

In the following TV spot to promote the upcoming World Cup in South Africa, Mexican media giant Grupo Televisa gathers its blond, blue-eyed talent to sing to the tune of The Lion Sleeps Tonight while a bunch of natives (presumably South Africans?), giraffes, lions, zebras and other wild animals make a triumph entrance at the Televisa Deportes newsroom. Because, you know, Mexicans are fair skinned and work on desks with computers… not like those savages!

Jennifer Lopez Shutters Clothing Line. And Not Because It Looked Like This

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It turns out JLo’s Made-in-China haut couture clothing line Sweetface has gone out of business. And -surprisingly enough- NOT because it looks like this, but because the economy kind of sucks. Go figure!

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According to WWD, this marks the end of Lopez’s clothing business in the United States. And, at least for the moment, there is no word on how or when the possible relaunch will take place.

Fashionistas weep.

Kellogg’s Reaches Out to Hispanics by Adding Honey [and a Little BS] to Corn Flakes Cereal

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mielBrilliant marketing minds just don’t seem to stop working…

In its latest “branding breakthrough,” Kellogg’s is adding honey to its popular Corn Flakes cereal to target the Hispanic crowd (something this blogger is having a hard time to comprehend.)

“Kellogg’s Corn Flakes has been a part of the Latino breakfast experience for years,” Susanne Norwitz, director of brand PR at Kellogg’s told Brandweek magazine. (So, I wonder: why change it now?)

Anyhow, to make sure this thing is actually targeted at us, Kellogg’s has added the line “With a Touch of Honey” in both English and Spanish, because, I suppose, after all these years we haven’t figured out that honey is miel en inglés.

[Hot tip: Enjoy your plate of Corn Flakes con Toque de Miel while sipping your café con leche and surrounded by all those bongos in your office!]