As part of its ongoing effort to desecrate Mexican food, Taco Bell says it will roll out systemwide its ridiculously named Quesalupa — melted pepper Jack cheese stuffed into a flaky, crisp shell “that serves as a vehicle for seasoned beef, lettuce, cheddar, reduced-fat sour cream and tomatoes.”
Until recently, “the thing” was limited to Toledo, Ohio, which was totally OK with me, since I don’t have any immediate plans, nor reasons or desire to ever go to Toledo, Ohio.
However, and according to press reports, after a test in 36 Toledo restaurants, the Quesalupa was pronounced “one of the most successful tests in Taco Bell history,” so its going national.
So, thanks a lot, Toledo! You have just ruined my Taco Tuesday.
No matter how many bizarre holidays Americans come up with, Cinco de Mayo will forever be my favorite one. And not only because it’s an excuse to drink all day and yell ¡Viva México! while thinking it’s our celebration of Independence (it’s not.) But it is also the time of year that brings out the stupidest most creative marketing brains to sell Americans everything, from DIY printable fiesta kits and taquito shooters (whatever that is,) to senseless drink mixes, “ethnic food” and even life-size cardboard Mexicans as scene setters.
This time around, though, in honor of that amazing marketing took known as Twitter, I’ve put together a few tweets making their way to my timeline.
NOTE: We’re still a full week away from the actual fiesta and this list will be updated in the following days, but let’s get to it right away, shall we?
Last but not least, the King of Ruining Mexican Food, Taco Bell, has already announced plans to introduce a new hot sauce on Cinco de Mayo called Diablo. The sauce, says Taco Bell, will only be available for a limited time and it’s made with a variety of peppers, including ají panca, chipotle and chili. Here it is, in all its GIF glory.
From this blog’s London correspondent (formerly this blog’s West Coast correspondent) come Britain’s “Cool,” gluten-free Hey Ho to Mexico “tortillas,” which is apparently what the Brits call any corn-based produce that comes packaged in a plastic bag featuring pyramids and sombreros.
These are not your regular [fake] tortillas, mind you, these “bring you a true taste of Mexico,” because as everyone knows, there is only one.
And just when you thought tacos couldn’t be any more violated… Taco Bell says it is already working on its next concoction: The “dipping” taco, which is expected to hit stores just in time for the anniversary of the Mexican Revolution: November 20.
Out of respect for my people (i.e. The Mexicans) –and other taco-lovers out there– I will refrain from describing this thing. Suffice to say: I’ll pass.
Taco Bell this week opened its first store of U.S. Taco Co., a spin-off that “seeks to satisfy Americans’ growing hunger for higher-quality food” than, say, everything else available out here.
And of course because this is America, people,U.S. Taco Co’s menu includes ‘The 1 Percenter,’ a $10 taco that contains lobster, garlic butter, roasted poblano crema and cilantro… because, as everybody knows, that’s what really rich people eat.
Oh, and in case you were wondering: This beauty does NOT come wrapped in a tortilla, no, señor! it comes on top of flatbread. You know? for the rich.
According to Los Angeles Times –and for reasons I yet have to comprehend– the Quesarito is being tested only in Oklahoma City, presumably because Oklahomans were all cool about it and couldn’t tell the difference between one bad wrap and the other.
Also according to the L.A. Times, the Quesarito might not see the light of day outside Oklahoma. Thank God.
And just when I thought American “food” couldn’t get any more delicious and/or culturally-relevant, Subway has launched yet another disgusting awesome Hispanic-themed, culturally-relevant crunchy concoction.
According to the company, the Fritos Chicken Enchilada Melt, which debuted this weekend in my neighborhood, consists of “a pile of Fritos placed right on top of tender pulled chicken and authentic enchilada sauce.” Hell, yeah!
I’m not even sure what “authentic enchilada sauce” is (we don’t have that in Mexico, see?) but this sandwich is apparently so promising, that Subway had to squeeze a last-minute :30-spot (estimated US$4 million) to place a spot aptly dubbed Crunch Time to air during tonight’s Super Bowl.
I hope you enjoy your Super Bowl Sunday, even if you have to do so with non-Mexican, greasy, crunchy “food.”
Hat tip: Mi Blog es Tu Blog Tropical Correspondent @tropicarlitos