I never thought I would ever be thankful to a market research firm, but this time I am … truly. So, thank you, E-Poll Market Research for giving curvy Latinas in our late (very late) 30s something to live for.

According to research released this week by the Encino, Calif.-based polling firm, Hollywood’s 15 sexiest celebrities are all curvy (very curvy) and over 36.

And, perhaps not surprisingly, topping the list is 40-year-old pregnant Mexican beauty Salma Hayek. (Truth be told, the average age was severely loaded given the fact that Raquel Welch was also among the top 15).

The polling company provides so-called “appeal rankings” for more than 3,000 celebrities (both men and women), and the results showed 65% of the U.S. population would use the term “sexy” to describe Salma, beating out Beyonce, Pamela Anderson, Hally Berry and other not-so-young beauties.

See? Maybe we’ll never be able to beat Brazil or Argentina in a soccer competition, but when it comes to beating anorexic white celebrities, Mexicans are a class of their own. And don’t get me started on the multimillionaires (Slim vs. Gates).

¡Sí se puede! ¡Sí se puede!

Procter & Gamble has a big problem in Mexico: poor people and their insistence on buying things in small packets and in little tienditas –those small stores that refuse to disappear despite Wal-Mart’s best efforts.

An article in today’s Wall Street Journal tells us the story of Martina Perez, who makes 120 pesos a day ($11) sewing by hand, and who instead of buying a full-size bottle of Head & Shoulders shampoo, settles for a 0.34 ounce single-use packet which cost about 19 cents. (What is it with poor people and their shopping habits?)

But worry no more. According to the article, P&G has an army of marketing experts and researches who have spent the last 6 years working on how to deal with the popularity of over 600,000 tienditas, or as P&G likes to refer to them: “high-frequency stores.”

The result is a series of amusing marketing techniques that the consumer products giant is employing to stay ahead of the curve and convert elusive store owners:

– Lobbying for better shelf space: company personnel regularly visit the tienditas and offer to tidy the shelves

– The launch of specialized business magazine Tu negocio (Your business) targeting store owners (will they also teach them how to read? I wonder)

– Offer them management tips, such as how to calculate their profit margins

– Employ “reverse engineering” techniques: rather than create an item and then assign a price to it, P&G first consumers what consumers can afford and my personal favorite:

– Populate the ceilings: following a technique that P&G says has been a tremendous success in Asia, the idea is to have the most hanging products from the ceilings. Dangling items, “research shows” can catch shoppers attention more than products sitting on the shelves. “The ceiling is still a virgin location,” said a P&G executive.

I had no idea what a dry wall “expert” (or drywalero) was. But thanks to a Chicago-based company I now know that is someone who works with drywalls and is eligible for a $5,000 cash award courtesy of Sheetrock, a USG corporation that specializes in, well, dry walls.

And following the example of other “innovative” marketers, this firm is going the extra mile in reaching the Hispanic consumer. Just check out this week’s announcement by Sheetrock with a call for entries looking for the “mero mero drywalero.”

The competition is about identifying -and crowning- “el mero mero drywalero,” loosely translated as the “Best of the Best Drywaller” in Chicago. The first prize is $5,000 in cash. The company has even set up a dedicated Web site with Brazilian-like music included (don’t ask why) luring Mexican-looking guys to apply.

Contest rules call for applicants to be at least 21 years of age, though there is no word of immigration status, which makes me think ‘my people’ are more than qualified for the prize.

Other skills required (verbatim):

1. Contestants will snap and score a Sheetrock Brand gypsum wallboard panel along pre-marked lines.
2. Contestants will then hang the panel on a stud wall structure furnished by USG using 5 drywall screws and a screw gun supplied by USG. Screws must be at least 2 inches apart from each other. (note: Mexican workers will have to be familiar with the inch dilemma).
3. Using a new Sheetrock Brand knife, Contestants will dispense Plus 3^TM Joint Treatment Compound into a pan and mix three times. Water will be already placed in the pan.
4. Contestants will apply the Plus 3^TM Joint Treatment Compound to the panel to cover the 5 screws.
5. Contestants will then place the knife in the pan and put the pan back on the floor.
6. The winner of each round will be the contestant with the fastest time; however, deductions of 5 seconds will be taken for each of the following:
   • dropping more than a teaspoon of compound on the floor
   • overdriving more than one screw
   • failing to cover a screw with joint compound
7. Failure to wear any PPE item will disqualify a contestant

Piece of cake!

I’m sure my fellow Mexicans will do better here than in their previous challenge (playing the U.S. national soccer team) which didn’t turn out that peachy.

Si se puede!!