Category: Awkard homages

Totino’s Releases Takis Fuego Cheese Bites, Because 2020 Hates me

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Totino’s Takis Fuego? Sure! It’s 2020; any sh*t will do.

I’m sorry to inform you Totino’s has released “mozzarella cheese bites coated with Takis Fuego seasoning,” because 2020 really, really hates me.

These “poppable” rolls feature a mozzarella-like filling and can be found at the frozen aisle of most major supermarkets for “only” $5 each.

Now if y’all excuse me, I’m going back to bed and try to wake up in 2021.

Meet Harry Poller: The Magician Behind Delicious Chicken

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From the always-popular section Mexicans: How can anyone not like us? comes one of the world’s smartest name ever, spotted somewhere in Mexico, home of some of the most surreal (i.e. wondrous stuff I’ve ever seen.)

Are you still not sure Mexico is the funnest place on Earth? Check out some of the following:

From chicken to stationary

The mobile taquero

El gym morrison

La playera del Chapo

… and/or just do me a favor and keep clicking on this blog every now and then will ya? I guarantee tons of diversión.

Taco Bell Launches Wine to Pair with your Toasted Cheesy Chalupa

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It’s called Jalapeño Noir and at least they succeeded in putting an ‘eñe’ where it belongs.

Not content with having desecrated tacos, quesadillas and the like, Taco Bell has its eyes on destroying yet another one of this blogger’s favorite things: Alcoholic beverages.

Turns out the ubiquitous American “food” chain is launching Jalapeño Noir, a new red wine to pair with your Cheesy Chalupa, because… WHY THE HELL NOT?

Fortunately for this blogger, this thing is only being released in Canada and is tied to Taco Bell Canada’s introduction of the new Toasted Cheesy Chalupa [don’t ask.] Per an unnecessarily long press release: “The new chalupa variation features six-month aged sharp cheddar cheese toasted onto the iconic chalupa shell to create a crispy blanket of flavour and texture” which should pair well with “notes of wild strawberry, cherry and beetroot in this silky limited-edition red wine.”

OK, pinche 2020, make it stop now!

Biden Campaign Launches the ‘Todos con Biden’ Salsa Because Latinos Love to Salsa

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The ‘Todos con Biden’ salsa is the latest effort to appeal to my dancing-loving fellow Hispanics.

If you have been paying attention, you’ll know by now that Latinos understand things better if they come in the form of music, whether it is to inform us about the perils of coronavirus; to let us know how great things would be under Bernie Sanders or how disappointed my people are with Donald Trump.

And so in keeping with the tradition, the Biden campaign has released the Todos con Biden salsa, a 3:30 minute long Spanish-language song with some “inspirational” words to help pitch the message of abuelito Joe among my people (i.e. The Latinos). Performed by Ander DeFrank (aka El Negro que Canta) the song kicks off by telling us that a Biden presidency will restore the nation by doing several things, including extending access to education and put an end to detention centers at the border, among many others.

For the monolingual, the chorus goes kind of like this…

Biden, Biden is the safe road

Let’s walk together, hand in hand

All for one, one and for all 

Biden, Biden

Biden is a serious, honest and trustworthy man…

You get the drill. Now WATCH (if you can endure the 3-plus minutes of this thing; I’m off to make myself a drink.)

How to NOT Market your ‘Mexican-Flavored’ Snacks

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Spanish food conglomerate Frit Ravich might want to learn how to use mexicanismos when marketing their “Mexican-flavored” snacks.

According to the packaging of these Mexican-flavored sunflower seeds, the taste of these babies will leave you shaking your maracas and playing your guitar while feeling … well, a bit stupid. You know? Because Mexicans!

Hat tip: Ñam Ñam Barcelona

Domino’s Launches Chicken Taco Pizza Because 2020

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2020 strikes again

2020 strikes again.

Domino’s Pizza decided it was a good idea to launch a “chicken-taco pizza,” a hideous combination of grilled chicken, cheese, onions, tomatoes, green peppers and –what else?– taco seasoning.

“We’re excited to add even more options to our lineup of delicious specialty pizzas,” said Art D’Elia, Domino’s executive vicepresident, apparently with a straight face, in a press release.

As the pizza chain explains, “the flavors are based on foods that –unlike pizza– typically don’t deliver well. For example, if you order tacos, there’s a chance they’ll be soggy by the time they arrive at your door. Same with burgers.” Tsssssss….

I can’t, really I just literally can’t.

 

Latinos for Trump Want you to Feed Goya Adobo to your Dog

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This dog is innocent!

Remember the Goya Foods brouhaha and how the entire Trump family went bananas promoting Goya beans even in the White House?

Well, the whole thing has become a golden opportunity for the Latinos for Trump crowd, who are sooooo excited they’re even using their furry friends to peddle the stuff.

Listen: I don’t care if the entire Trump family –and their supporters– stuff themselves to death on Goya beans and adobo, but as the great @darth would say: THIS DOG IS INNOCENT!!!!

Photo via: Latinos for Trump

Chile Relleno and Wavy Carnitas Street Taco Lay’s Chips are Here… Because 2020 Is a Cruel Year

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And just because 2020 couldn’t punish us enough, Lay’s has decided to turn two iconic Mexican dishes into … snacks in a bag. Yes, my friends, I might have been too busy blogging about bad translations in Mexico to focus on what’s really important: Yet, another chapter in the desecration of Mexican food on this side of the border.

Sources close to this sad situation, tell me Lay’s “Wavy Carnitas Street Taco” have been inspired by El Torito restaurant in Los Angeles, while Lay’s “Chile Relleno” took their inspiration from Cocina Azul in Albuquerque.

Now if y’all excuse me; it’s only 9:30 a.m. but I think I’ll go have a María Sangrienta.

Photo via: BestFoods

The Hispanic Star Joins Nonsensical Trend of Putting an ‘Ñ’ where it Doesn’t Belong

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Excuse me?

Remember that nonsensical trend of putting “eñes” where they don’t belong just to make something look –and sound– more authentically “Latino?”

Well, it looks like salsa makers and Hispanic journalists organizations are not alone in this thing. The latest to jump on the nonsensical “eñe wagon” (or should I say “wagoñ?”) is The Hispanic Star, a non-for-profit organization that seeks to “raise awareness of the contributions of the Hispanic community to the United States.”

According to its latest mailer, the Hispanic Star wants us to SAVE THE DATE and celebrate the 2020 Hipanic Heritage… Mñnth [SIC] which I believe it’s nonsense English for the word “month”.

I get it. As we approach the dreaded Hispanic Heritage Month, corporations, politicians and NGOs want to sound all cute and Latin in order to properly pander to my people, but how about learning first to put the “eñe” where it DOES belong? Like in “jalapeño?” for example?

Oh, and don’t get me started on #ItsPoblanoNotPoblaño

No, Sellers Bros., Jalapeños are not Mexican Squash

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I’m not entirely sure why, but a Texas supermarket chain decided to jalapeñosplain what a chile jalapeño is by calling it “Fresh Mexican Squash.”

Really? After all these years in the USA I can safely say that both, Mexicans and non-Mexicans have a pretty clear idea of what a jalapeño is: a medium-sized chili pepper pod, which is widely used in Mexican and TexMex dishes (and even drinks!). If anything, a “Mexican squash” –at least for this blogger– would be nothing but delicious calabacitas my grandma used to prepare with ham, corn and sour cream when I was growing up in Mexico.

So, don’t try so hard, Sellers Bros: A jalapeño is a jalapeño is a jalapeño.

Photo via Reddit

Ivanka Trump Poses with Can of Goya Beans. Hilarity Ensues

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To own the libs, you know?

When it comes to Latino foods and the Trump presidential family, you can expect only the worst: From a ridiculous Taco Bowl post to celebrate Cinco de Mayo to the president’s daughter –and presidential adviser– posing with a can of Goya black beans (Yes, Goya. Black. Beans) to… own the libs you know?

Ivanka’s post posted Tuesday night was a response to boycott calls of the Goya brand after its chief executive officer, Robert Unanue, praised President Trump at a White House event, saying that “we’re all truly blessed” to have him as a leader.

Here’s the original post by the presidential adviser followed by some of the best responses on Twitter.

Make Chiva-Cola Great Again

Now, that’s Better!

Jodiendo Mexicanos

Like Daughter, Like Father

Who did this?

All Beans Matter

Ouch

New Wall Proposal

Ivanka in a nutshell