St. Patrick’s Day: The Other Binge Drinking Mexican Holiday

st_patricks_mexico_2

Go ahead; wear green and go out get drunk or whatever it is you do this weekend. But don’t forget Saint Patrick’s Day is a celebration of the Batallón de San Patricio, which according to Wikipedia my extensive readings of history books, was a unit of hundreds of immigrants and expats who fought as part of the Mexican Army against the United States.

Of course for Americans of the generation that fought the Mexican-American War, the San Patricios were considered traitors, while for Mexicans of that generation (and pretty much to this day) the San Patricios were heroes.

Now you know.

Now go get some green tequila and Irish tacos.

Day of the Dead Is the New Cinco de Mayo –and I Can’t Even

Organic yellow corn tortilla chips with typos for Día de Muertos en gringolandia

Come November, there’s one thing that really, really, gets on my nerves (besides pumpkin-spice stuff, of course) and that is America’s obsession with the Mexican tradition known as Día de Muertos (basically Day of the Dead) or as some gringos dare calling it: Mexico’s Halloween.

Anyhow, in an effort to show you I was right when back in 2018 I decided to call Day of the Dead the New Cinco de Mayo, I will be posting here some of the most bizarre/sad/pathetic/senseless examples of what America is doing with one of Mexico’s most beloved traditions.

CLICK THROUGH THE FOLLOWING GALLERY OF HORRORS and be sure to check back as I’ll be updating this thing as soon as new barbaridades come my way…

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I hate to say I told you, but I told you ….

At Last, the Complete Set of Mexican Emojis in One Image

MEXICANEMOJIS

I’m almost certain that the readers of this blog will be able to identify all of these (otherwise, shame on you!). Needless to say, this blogger’s favorites are El subcomandante, the torta and the trompo al pastor.

Still, hit me with questions (i.e. leave a comment below) if:

1) You fail to identify all of these

2) You think there are some missing

Happy World Emoji Day y’all!

Hat tip: @RomiGoma

Hold on to your Sombreros: Cinco de Mayo 2019 Has Begun!

I don’t care who you are. Don’t do this to your puppy 😦

No matter how many bizarre holidays Americans come up with, Cinco de Mayo will forever be my favorite. And not only because it’s an excuse to drink all day and yell ¡Viva México! while thinking it’s our celebration of Independence (it’s not) but because it is also the time of year that brings out the stupidest most creative marketing brains to sell Americans everything, from DIY printable fiesta kits and taquito shooters (whatever that is,) to senseless drink mixes, “ethnic food” and even life-size cardboard Mexicans as scene setters.

Etsy T-shirts, anyone?

Nacho de Mayo, because why not?

This time around, though, in honor of that amazing marketing tool known as Twitter, I’ve put together a few tweets making their way to my timeline. This has only begun, so, please help me by tweeting me your own personal horrors for 2019 Cinco de Mayo, preferably using the #CincoDeFallo hashtag and let the “Mexican” madness begin!

Constellation Brands

SAD!

Baja Ponchos

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Note: This post will be updated on a regular basis.

 

Celebrate Mexican Independence Like the Locals

I hope by now you are aware that Cinco de Mayo is NOT Mexico’s Independence Day. Sixteen of September is, and the bash actually kicks off on the night of the 15, so by the time the 16 actually arrives, everybody is just too drunk to remember anything.

I might be a gringa now, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still a Mexican, so I decided to put together a quick list of the Five Things you Must Do to Celebrate El Grito in this increasingly globalized country.

1. Buy a Made-in-China Mexican flag

2. Go to your nearest Walmart and stock up on the cheapest non-Agave Tequila. (The real thing is too expensive for the average Mexican, and its production is already exclusive for exporting to gringos.)

3. Tell your wife you want your pozole spicy, even if she cannot afford to buy meat anymore.

4. Tune in the Canal de las Estrellas to witness our pathetic president yell ¡Viva México! repeatedly

5. Yell ¡Viva México! — repeatedly — right after our pathetic president. Hopefully by this time you’ll be too wasted on the fake-Tequila methanol to feel any shame.

Repeat as many times necessary until you feel a true patriotic fervor.

¡Viva México! ¡Viva México! ¡Viva México!

BONUS:

If anything else fails, go get a Texican Whopper or a Quesalupa. See you on the 16th as everyone will be most likely be puking somewhere.

Quick! Grab your Maracas and Go Get Yourself a pair of Cinco de Mayo Air Jordans!

Cinco de Mayo Air Jordans, because why the hell not?

Sneaker retailer Sneaker Bar Detroit can’t wait for Cinco de Mayo, so it’s now peddling a bunch of very colorful Air Jordans… so colorful, they will perfectly match your maracas.

Because nothing says Mexicou better than Air Jordans and … colorful sneakers.

¡Ándale, ándale, arriba, arriba!

Via: Sneaker Bar Detroit on Twitter

Marketing Ideas to Spice Up your ‘Cinco de Mayo’ 🌶

No Mexican friends? No problem! Get yourself a few Insta-Mexicans!

Cinco de Mayo is definitely my favorite faux Mexican holiday in the U.S. And not because it’s an excuse to drink all day long and scream ¡Viva México! while thinking it’s our celebration of Independence, but because it brings out the stupidest best marketing gimmicks to sell everything, from spicy tattoos and sneakers for the three-legged, to senseless drink mixes, “ethnic” food and even cardboard Mexicans!

Below, you’ll find a few of my favorite marketing efforts around this mostly-gringo holiday.

Enjoy … and ¡Que viva México, cabrones!

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Yes. There is a ‘Cinco de Mayo Carne Asada’ Gadget

CarneAsadaGadget

You guys must think I just make stuff up just to keep updating this wonderful blog and all. But no. Thanks to the ever creative minds of marketing professionals, there is always something new under the Latino-Hispanic muy caliente sun.

Señoras y señores: I give you the BBQ Dragon, the portable, hands-free, rechargeable gadget which –according to a presumably serious press release– will help you make “the best carne asada in town.” Why? Because Cinco de Mayo is approaching!

I’m not sure this thing was even conceived with carne asada or Cinco de mayo in mind, but who the hell cares? We are fast approaching this blogger’s favorite faux-Mexican holiday.

¡Ajúa!

Party City Wants you to Wear a Taco Headband and Shake your Maracas, Because Cinco de Mayo!

Cinco de Mayo is just around the corner, and the folks over at Party City are, like, super excited!

So for this year’s Authentic Mexican FIESTA™, the retailer is peddling a $4.99 Taco Headband; a $7.99 Taco Hat, and plenty of maracas, because the whiter you are, the harder you should work to look like a real Mexican.

¡Ajúa!

Hat tip: @EnriqueLimon

*LOL

NOT SURE YOU WANT A TACO HEADBAND? CHECK OUT OTHER SUPER AWESOME CINCO DE MAYO IDEAS BELOW:

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California Bar Gave Away ‘Green Cards’ for Climbing Inflatable Wall, Because Cinco de Mayo

Speaking of awesome Cinco de Mayo marketing ideas, a bar in California decided it was a great idea to celebrate the faux Mexican holiday by offering … fake green cards to drunken patrons willing to climb an inflatable border wall.

Wait. What?

According to the always reliable Gustavo Arellano, Hennessey’s Tavern, in Dana Point, California thought it was idea to build a “wall” and offer patrons willing to climb it a “green card,” which would not actually grant them legal status, but get them a free drink, because nothing says “fun” as drunken gringos wearing sombreros and climb walls, you know?

It looks like the promotion  — and several videos associated with the stunt — have all been deleted from the bar’s Instagram account, and the establishment in question has since apologized. But, hey, haven’t these people heard about screenshots *and* pesky bloggers?

Via: OCWeekly

This Steakhouse Will Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with a $100 Margarita, Because Why the Hell not?

Behold, the $100 margarita

Every single year, for as long as I can remember, American corporations do their best to step up their Cinco de Mayo game by launching one ridiculous thing after the other one. Every. Single. Time.

This year, the contenders for this blog’s Stupidest Cinco de Mayo Marketing Effort Award include Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse, a California eatery that will celebrate the nonsensical, American-made “Mexican holiday” with a $100 margarita.

Sí, señor. One hundred dolaritos for a pinche margarita, which features “premium liquor, including Tequila Herradura Selección Suprema and Grand Marnier Centenaire.”

But wait. How does a mix of Herradura and Grand Marnier justify such a high price? I’m glad you asked!

According to an unnecessarily long press release, the $100 margarita “is served in Baccarat’s uniquely designed Diamant Highball, and guests will be invited to take home the glass in Baccarat’s iconic red box.”

OKAY, then, I guess it all makes sense now.

Kill me now.

Budweiser Introduces the Peach-A-Rita, because Lime-A-Ritas and Straw-Ber-Ritas are not Ludicrous Enough

Person I’ve never heard of Jessie James Decker is the face of Budweiser’s Peach-A-Rita

Oh, no… Budweiser has done it — again.

Not content with having launched a bunch of nonsensical drinks, including the Lime-A-Rita and the Straw-ber-Rita, the “beer” maker has partnered with country singer and clothing designer (aka A Famous Person I’ve Never Heard Of) Jessie James Decker to promote a new, seasonal flavor: Peach-A-Rita.

I have no idea what any of this means, but Decker told AOL.com (which apparently still exists) that Peach-A-Rita “is the perfect drink for the upcoming summer months.” How perfect? Well…

Peach-A-Rita fits my lifestyle […] It’s so easy, I’m always on the go so whenever I have a girls night or get together it’s super easy just to pull it out. No blender required.

Okay, whatevs, Jessie; have fun out there and Happy Cinco de Mayo to you!

Via: AOL.com

Shazam Joins Cinco de Mayo Bash, Because Tequila!

¡Ándale, ándale! ¡Arriba, arriba!
¡Ándale, ándale! ¡Arriba, arriba!

It’s too early to start talking about Cinco de Mayo, right?

WRONG!

Shazam, the app that lets you identify and discover songs from a mobile device, is already working on a super duper plan to join the Cinco de Mayou fiesta!

The company said on Monday that it has partnered with Beam Suntory — owners of Sauza and Hornitos tequila — to enter the realm of Augmented Reality (AR) just in time for this blogger’s most despised favorite holiday.

And how does this partnership will work? Well, I’m glad you asked: Using some new technology, users will be able to scan codes from, say, a bottle of tequila to experience all kinds of augmented reality “Mexican” fun and stuff, including “3D animations, product visualizations, mini-games and 360-degree videos. Guac-a-Mole, anyone?

Here’s how the company explained this thing:

“This breakthrough technology offers an accessible, immersive platform with which to engage in a rewarded gamification experience at the point of purchase leading up to Cinco de Mayo. Sauza Tequila and Hornitos Premium Tequila should effectively break through the Cinco de Mayo advertising clutter thanks to this exciting partnership,” said Michelle Cater, Beam Suntory’s senior director of commercial marketing, apparently with a straight face.

¡Ajúa!

Via: CNET en Español

Donald Trump’s Taco Bowl Tweet Brouhaha Proves Humanity [and Very Likely this Blog] Is Doomed

TheDonald

I seriously don’t know what’s worse, if Donald Trump tweeting a photo of himself on Cinco de Mayo eating a Taco Bowl (whatever that is) to say he loves Hispanics or the avalanche of serious, “investigative news pieces” from “real journalists” attempting to get to the bottom of things.

Seriously, what’s there to get to the bottom of? That the disgusting Walled-Taco-Thing was purchased in a cafe instead of restaurant? That Trump really didn’t tweet that thing today, because he’s in another city?

Man,I miss that time when stuff like this belonged to my stupid blog and not the realm of “investigative journalism.”

Hit them, Adam Weinstein