We Must Stop Cauliflower Tortillas Before it’s Too Late

As if I didn’t have enough bad news these days, someone just mentioned Cauliflower, a Los Angeles-based company determined to “reinvent our favorite foods” with healthier options, including cauliflower rice, cauliflower chips and cauliflower pizza dough.

While I couldn’t care less about what they do to rice and pizza, they’re now proudly peddling the ¡Viva Cauliflower Tortilla! apparently because people really really needed a grain-free, cauliflower tortilla to wrap God knows what in them.

“Caulipower’s mission is to listen to what people want,” Gail Becker, founder and CEO of Caulipower, told Baking Business. “Like pizza, tortillas are beloved, versatile and a natural fit for us to create a better-for-you option.”

Listen, Gail, I’m sure you’re all healthy and all that, but who are you to say this is a better-for-me option? Last time I checked, my better-for-me-option was a deliciously greasy set of carnitas wrapped in –what else?– a double corn tortilla.

Besides, if you really really want a healthy meal, just go squash some cauliflower and roll things inside it, but don’t call these things tortillas if you don’t want me to throw a fit.

Thank you very much for your cooperation.

Photo via: Caulipower

Inspired by Mexico, a Chicago Bakery Is Now Making its Own Conchavirus

They look more like happy frogs, but it’s the intention that counts, right?

Well, that didn’t take long.

Barely a couple of days after this VERY INFLUENTIAL BLOG first reported on the Iztapalapa conchavirus, a small bakery in Chicago is now making their own version.

“We wanted to turn a negative into a positive one by creating my very own conchavirus,” Eddie Vázquez, executive pastry chef and owner at Rosy’s Bakery, told ABC News Chicago.

Fortunately for Mr. Vázquez, Chicagoans are so excited about they’re placing their orders by the dozen, and I still don’t know how they get the courage to go out, but that’s another story…

It’s not a secret that 2020 sucks, but –heck– it has been a good year for conchas.

Mexican Bakery Introduces the Conchavirus, because Mexico

From Iztapalapa to the world…

Speaking of Mexico and the seriousness of COVID-19, a bakery in Iztapalapa, Mexico has come up with a coronavirus-like sweet bread, which they’re calling –what else?– the conchavirus. According to a very reliable source (i.e. a commenter on my Instagram feed) the genius behind this thing is Panificadora Juanito, a 30-year-old establishment which prides itself of using all natural ingredients.

Oh, did I mention the conchavirus is only $6.50 pesos? That’s… practically USD 25 cents.

Filing under “Mexicans: How can anyone not like us?”

Hat tip: @DatBoopGirl

Tortillas, Toilet Paper and the Importance of the Simple Things

My local deli recently ran out of toilet paper, but it stocks plenty of these. So, we’re good…

I spent a good part of Tuesday, March 17 looking for toilet paper in my neighborhood –to no avail. Somehow, the coronavirus crisis has turned people in some sort of toilet paper-hoarding zombies, emptying the shelves at supermarkets, bodegas and pharmacies.

The craziness is not limited to New York City or even the US: My brother sent me a photo (below) from a Mexico City supermarket, showing people doing exactly the same thing: Hoarding toilet-paper –except supplies seem to be abundant down there (at least for now.)

What’s with toilet paper?

I tried again one day later and this time my local bodega (PapaSito) proudly advertised that toilet paper was back, so I went in (naturally). Several rolls of toilet paper wrapped individually sat at the top of a very tall counter, one I couldn’t reach, so I asked a fellow Mexican who works there for help. Our conversation went something like this:

–Can you please pass me four of those? –I asked.

-Four? Only four? –said the man almost incredulous. –Why don’t you take more? People are coming in and getting 15-30 rolls at once…

-Because… I’m not deranged? –I replied.

My paisano cracked up upon hearing that, and then noticed I had also bought a few packs of corn tortillas.

–Well, I’d be damned if we were to run out of those! –He said pointing at my packs of Poblanitas.

I walked away thinking he was absolutely right and was happy to get back to my quarantine (not before I stopped for some other basic goods.)

Bagel Shop Launches ‘Bagelrito,’ Because Nothing Makes Sense Anymore

Starting Thursday, Feb. 27 and until the deadly coronavirus takes us all (hopefully soon) Einstein Bros. Bagels will start selling the Bagelrito, a “big, bold, and easy to hold” bagel/burrito mash-up that looks as disgusting as it sounds.

The company claims this thing was a smashing success in Denver, CO test markets –for some reason, but this blogger is looking forward to never having to see this thing ever again. Ever.

Elizabeth Warren Goes to El Gordo, Orders Tacos ‘Sin Cebolla.’ All Hell Breaks Loose

Elizabeth Warren orders a beef taco… without onion, Her campaign might never recover from this.

It is not a secret that, while campaigning and seeking the Latino vote in Las Vegas, you gotta pay a visit to the folks of Tacos El Gordo. And on Friday, Feb. 21, 2020 it was the turn of Senator Elizabeth Warren, to hang out with taqueros and taqueras at the famous Mexican eatery; snap tons of selfies and –of course– try their delicious creations.

So far so good, right? Well, not really. All hell broke loose after this blogger found out La Guarren ordered her beef tacos sin cebolla (!!!) prompting a potentially damaging schism among her many followers who quickly took to social media to express their affiliation to either #TeamWarrenConCebolla or #TeamWarrenSinCebolla.

A very scientific poll posted Friday night by this blogger concluded that ordering tacos without onion could eventually hurt Warren’s chances to secure the Latino vote, at least among those who want to live life to its full potential.

The verdict is here

While I tend to order my tacos con todo (except pineapple when it comes to al pastor) I’m gonna stick to La Guarren because she’s still the hero we all need today. Onion or not, she’s some bad as, as proven in the following exchange with Mini Mike on Feb. 19.

 

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Tours a Bodega, Eats Burritos and Drinks Jarritos de Piñac

AOC joins Desus & Mero on Bronx tour.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has a way to respond to haters.

As part of the premiere episode of Showtime’s Desus & Mero, the New York City native decided to show her critics that she’s not only a kick-ass politician but knows her way around a bodega and a taquería. Oh, and she will also mix you a margarita. And just so we have it clear: These people in Washington D.C. are “not smarter than a bartender.”

Watch Ocasio-Cortez as she joins her fellow Bronx natives, show hosts Desus Nice and The Kid Mero, on a tour of their home borough that includes bodegas, happy faces, burritos, margaritas, Bohemia beer and even Jarritos de piña.

 

This is the Only Dip you Need for your Super Bowl Party

Guacamole, which according to “avocado experts” at Wholly Guacamole was “invented by the Aztecs for its nutritional benefits for the wealthy,” can now be used to prepare a deliciously patriotic Mexican flag tricolor dip, a culinary work of art you will never encounter in Mexico (mainly because it looks like a hell of a lot of work for a real Mexican.)

But I digress. The point is: The Super Bowl LVI is tonight and any excuse to fool around with Mexican food –and the Mexican flag– is a good one. Besides… it features an eagle… and eagle, babies!

Wink, Wink…

Taco Mahal Is Coming to New York City, and I’m not Ready for Gandhi-Zapata

Gandhi Zapata wants you to have a Roti Taco, because –really?!

Sources closer to Hell’s Kitchen than me (at least right now) tell me there’s a new, hipster-conceived Mexican-Indian restaurant coming my way.

Called –what else?– Taco Mahal, this fusion eatery promises a “new concept in the realm of delicious tacos” where “the best spices of India collide with the best flavors of Latino America [SIC.]”

I have no idea what any of the above means, but Taco Mahal has been plastering the city with artful collages of Frida-meets-Rigveda / Parvati-Meets-Kahlo. Also, according to a menu posted online, you’ll be able to order stuff such as Roti Tacos or Naan Tacos, which sound just as weird as the below deities blended together.

It’s Indian, you know? but with a taco twist.

Thank God there’s also beer & wine available to wash this thing down; otherwise…

Hat tip: @lechancle

Avocados From Mexico Releases Super Bowl LVI Commercial. It’s as Bad as Anything ‘Avo’ in America

Yeah, because we all carry our avocados like babies, right?

Yeah, it’s already that time of the year when –not content with punishing this blogger with frigid temperatures –and plenty of avocado-hipster nonsense– corporate America starts releasing their Super Bowl teaser commercials.

Enter the 2020 Avocados From Mexico’s Super Bowl spot, featuring a fictitious shopping network for people who love avocados.

The spot, created by Energy BBDO, also features quick snippets of avocado-themed products, including a baby carrier to hold a baby avocado (yup); an avocado pool float shaped like a tortilla chip and a helmet for an avocado out for a ride.

I’m dizzy now. Just WATCH (or maybe not)

Quincy, Massachusetts Preps ‘Latin-Inspired’ Eatery: Tacos, Nachos, that Kind of Thing…

Pearl & Lime promises food with a Latin flair: Tacos, nachos, guac, that kind of thing…

Residents of Quincy, Massachusetts, are apparently very excited about Pearl & Lime, an upcoming 80-seat restaurant that promises fresh food with a “Latin flair,” targeting the demanding millennial palate.

But what exactly do they mean by Latin flair? Well, I’m glad you asked!

“What people really want is tacos, nachos, guac, that kind of thing,” co-owner Palmer Matthews told The Patriot Ledger in an inexplicably long news article.

But if “tacos, nachos, guac and that kind of thing” is not really your thing, these dudes have also “pulled in the agave spirits and really take creative license with all that Latin inspiration.”

There you have it. Next time you visit Quincy, Massachusetts (because I never will) you’ll have to take some time to visit this place and take a moment to rediscover –and pay homage to– your Latin roots.

¡Salud!

Photo: Quincy Wicked Local

Wanna Grow Old? Go Buy Chicken at this Mexican Chicken Shop

Wanna grow old?

Today in the always popular section of Mexicans: How can Anyone not Like us I give you this chicken shop somewhere in Mexico whose slogan is just perfect –and quite impossible to translate without losing all its beauty. But basically, if you want to grow old (viejito,) you might want to go pay $65 pesos (about $3.5 USD) for a pollito (little chicken).

Photo via: Reddit