Category: Stupid propositions

Grupo Televisa Launches Netflix-Like Service in Mexico; Hilarity Ensues

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IMG_4241

Mexican media giant — and Univision partner in [programming] crime — this week announced the launch of Blim.com, an OTT service á la Netflix.

Per the official announcement, the service is expected to cost $6.05 per month (which is roughly many, many, many pesos) and feature “relevant, Spanish-language programming targeting users in Mexico and Latin America.”

Mexicans promptly took to Twitter to share their “enthusiasm” around this thing. NOT.

Here are only a few examples of what Mexico twitteratti is saying about Blim.com

 

“Everyone is making money on the Internet; except us!” — Televisa introducing Blim.com

 

My friend, Azcárraga. Congrats on Blim; you do know what young viewers really want to watch on the Internet.

 

My phone is so smart, it will not install Blim

 

Or … does it only work on Alcatel phones?

Al parecer #Blim sólo funciona en dispositivos Alcatel.

This survey

 

Ironies aside, there are some tuiteros, including God himself, who think Blim can be a success. But three things must happen first: 

1. Better programming

2. Better pricing

3. Netflix must disappear

 

Have fun. Have sex. Beware of HIV — and faulty marketing in Spanish

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Prep

It’s always great to see New York City spend money in communicating useful stuff to Spanish-speaking New Yorkers (there are tons of us, you know?) but it should be well advised to work a little more on their Spanish-language marketing copy.

Take the print ad above (seen at a my local bar in West Harlem) talking about the all too important PrEP, a daily pill also known as Truvada, that helps high-risk individuals lower their chances of getting infected with the HIV virus. While the overall message is kind of understood (I hope) the NYC Health Department might want to work on its Esté VIH E ITS Seguro copy, which last time I checked meant absolutely nothing.

That said, stay safe neoyorquinos: Have fun BUT, more importantly, remember to protect yourselves from HIV and bad Spanish.

Photo: Laura Martínez, Harlem

According to Some ‘Bovine Writer,’ there are 14 Species of Latinas in the U.S. [Can you Guess Where I Belong?]

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Chicaspotting: A Field Guide to Latinas of the United States
Chicaspotting: A Field Guide to Latinas of the United States

Some “writer” in the United States has written Chicaspotting: A Field Guide to Latinas of the United States, a $17.99 “book” that promises to help gringos “find and identify the right Latina to date, love or marry.”

I’m going to spare you the details of this thing, but let’s say in a nutshell that — according to this aptly-named Bovino fellow — there are 14 SPECIES of us (i.e. Latinas of the United States). Fourteen, people, fourteen. Among them:

  • SYMMETRICAL FORCE (Colombian American): Butt size varies, but breast implants are practically a rite of passage and she likes ‘em BIG.
  • TRIFECTA (Venezuelan American): Routinely causes an erection lasting more than 4 hours, but neediness, jealousy, and controlling behavior – a real “trifecta” of drama – occasionally spoil the mood.
  • TACO BELLE (Mexican American): Warm and cuddly as a teddy bear but (somewhat) shy around strangers, especially gringos.
  • TRANSFORMER (Cuban American): If her breasts are large enough to match her hips and butt, she can be a Latin Jessica Rabbit, but too much Cuban food or too many kids and she’ll transform into Rosie O’Donnell right before your eyes.

Mr. Bovino fails to identify this blogger, but I can assure him after I review this thing on Amazon, he’d like to call my species THE MEXICAN AMAZON RATINGS KILLER.

[SIGH]

Hat tip: The Flama

Advertising Agency Declares War on ‘The Hispanic Silo;’ Hires Two Hispanics Instead

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SiloHispanicAnomaly
‘The Hispanic’ at Anomaly, looking kind of ‘solo…’ for now

A few days ago, New York-based advertising shop Anomaly made some Internet headlines by declaring war on “The Last Silo of the marketing communications landscape: The Hispanic Silo.”

Per Anomaly’s own manifesto:

Silos by their nature are bad. They stifle potential. They stand there all tall and rigid. They breed homogeneity […] As we look to the future we cannot help but be inspired by the changed dynamics of America today. We are a more pluralistic, more progressive, more cultured nation.

And all of this, my friends, was just a very elegant way of announcing the hiring of its first Hispanic creative talent, namely Dieste’s Giovanni Villamar (See photo of the silo above) and D’Expósito’s Mauricio Galvan) who — at least for the moment — look kind of an anomaly in mostly white, non-Hispanic-but-total-market advertising and marketing landscape.

Anyhow, this blogger wishes these two Hispanic non-silos at Anomaly all the best in their non-Hispanic, total market endeavors.*

*Oh, and make sure to have your non-Hispanic, non-Silo colleagues at Anomaly follow this blogger religiously. I promise tons of piñatas, sombreros and tacos.

Watch Evo Morales Fight Evil, Seek Reelection á la ‘Star Wars’

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Collage

Evo Morales is not your typical Latin American president, and that’s a good thing.

As part of his relentless campaign to be reelected, Morales has jumped on the Star Wars: Episode VIl – The Force Awakens bandwagon to ask Bolivians to choose the Force (i.e. him and his buddies) and not go to the Dark Side (i.e. not him and his buddies.)

WATCH this thing below, and May the Force Be With The Bolivian People

Hat tip: @bathtubmedia

Because the Colombia-Not-Columbia Blunder is so Passé…

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Well, at least it doesn't say 'Columbia.'
Well, at least it doesn’t say ‘Columbia.’
Having mastered the art of writing “Colombia” when it meant to write “Columbia,” The New York Times via The Associated Press has decided to move onto yet another Latin American-themed, Spanish-language mixup.

So, as I was saying: #ItsManuelNotManual*

Just like #ItsColombiaNotColumbia

Hat tip: @tropicarlitos

Indigenous Community in Oaxaca Responds to Coca-Cola: ‘We Didn’t Use to Have Diabetes’

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diabetesThis happened.

On the heels of Coca-Cola pulling its controversial ad featuring a group of white Mexican kids bringing hope — and sugary drinks — to an indigenous community in Oaxaca, a group of mixe indians from the town of Totontepec came on to share their own message.

Using the same footage of the now infamous Coca-Cola spot, the mixes take the stage to share stories about their community’s lack of water and an alarming increase in diabetes levels, brought about by — what else? — sugary drinks like Coca-Cola. Among other things, their message (in mixe language featuring Spanish subtitles) includes the following statement by one local student:

“Fifty years ago, cases of diabetes type 2 in our indian communities were rare; now they begin to be an epidemic. In order to remain united, we must preserve our dignity, our health and our culture. In Oaxaca, we drink tejare, tea and clean water.”

News of the spot was first reported by SinEmbargo.com.mx in Mexico. Here’s the video, in mixe language with subtitles in Spanish. Stay tuned as I will be translating the whole message very soon. I just need to get this out for the sake of giving the mixes the space they deserve.

The Wait is Over: ‘Telenovela’ Premieres December 7 on NBC

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telenovela

Eva Longoria (aka La Prieta Faya and this blogger’s favorite retroacculturated Latina) is like super excited, because NBC on Monday Dec. 7 will premiere Telenovela, a 13-episode comedy that promises a lot of drama along with “passion, betrayal and raw sexuality.”

As this blog reported earlier, the show tells the story of a telenovela star who doesn’t speak Spanish, which is just perfect, since we all know Ms. Longoria is not particularly fluent in the language of Cervantes.

I will watch at least the first episode of this thing (for research purposes, you know?). But I still think it’s a pity NBC didn’t cast Erick Estrada as her co-star in Telenovela. After all Mr. Estrada is the only actual telenovela actor who was able to get away with making an entire telenovela despite his very poor command of Spanish.

See? This is what NBC viewers will be missing.

Mainstream Media ‘Discovers’ Coke’s Embarrassing Mexico Ad; Coke Takes Video Down, Refuses to Make Comments

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White, wealthy Mexican hipsters bring Coke -- and hope -- to Mixe community in Oaxaca.
White, wealthy Mexican hipsters bring Coke — and hope — to Mixe community in Oaxaca.

Remember this blog’s posting from Nov. 26, 2015?

Not many people paid attention then, I know. It kind of went unnoticed for a while, as I suspect a lot of you, people, were busy eating turkey or crushing fellow shoppers to get a discounted OLED TV or whatever it is you do on Thanksgiving Weekend.

Fortunately, a few independent blogs, including my compadres at Latino Rebels and other high-profile writers did pay attention and the brouhaha finally blew up con Coca-Cola’s face right around Tuesday Dec. 1, 2015. This was the day when the soft drinks giant decided to pull its ad from YouTube — or more accurately decided to “make it private,” so that neither you or me would have to see that horror again.

Here are only a few of the articles posted by mainstream media on the issue –in chronological order:

Telesur: Nov. 26

The Washington Post, Dec. 1

The Associated Press, Dec. 1

Horizontal: Dec. 1

The Guardian, Dec. 1

Univision Noticias, Dec. 2

See? I knew I was not crazy (or at least I’m not THAT crazy.) This sh•t was so out of whack that it needed to be stopped — or at least made it private, so Coca-Cola and its Mexican agency, can go on and pursue their creative advertising prizes or whatever it is they do.

Just, please, leave the Mixe community alone, will you?

I wish you didn’t have to see this again, but in case you missed it, this blogger’s friends at Latino Rebels have you covered

Syrian Refugee Crisis: Whatever Happened to the Old Political Debate about Rejecting Mexicans Instead?

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colbert

Being Mexican, and having lived in several countries, I’ve seen my share of political idiocy and horrors. But as it turns out, nothing had prepared me for the current “debate” taking place right now in my now adopted country about whether to restrict — or altogether block — the entry of Syrian refugees.

I mean, seriously: Are you guys for real? Have you not been following any of this?

Of course I was not going to use this blog to vent my fury share my thoughts about the Syrian refugee crisis. I was just planning on burying my head in the sand and cry in desperation.

Fortunately for this blogger, Stephen Colbert came and put it in a way that at least made me smile a little — yeah, only a little.

The question of whether to let Syrian refugees into this country has become the new political issue; completely overshadowing the old political issue: Whether to let Mexicans into this country.

 

It’s a Hollywood Miracle! Chile’s 33 Rescued Miners Speak Fluent English

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We’re trapped; we’re poorly paid… but hey, we’re bilingual!’

In August 2010, 33 Chilean miners were trapped 700 meters underground and about 5 kilometers from a mine’s entrance in Copiapó, Chile, where they remained for an agonizing 69 days until the 33 of them were rescued, alive and almost all in good medical condition.

So far so good.

Enter Hollywood, a clueless Mexican director and an enthusiast crowd of subtitle-intolerant Americans. The result: The 33, a film directed by Patricia Riggen, a Mexican-born director whose dubious credentials include La misma luna, a movie I saw, so that you don’t have to.

I am not going to bother you with details behind The 33, simply because A) I have not seen it; B) I have no intention of doing so and C) I think there are many things you could do with those $13 instead (there are some killer happy hours out there.)

In addition, according to my sources, the trama takes place in English, because as we all know, the poorly-paid, poorly-educated mining workers of Copiapó are fluent in the language of Shakespeare, with heavy accents if you will (thus the presence of Antonio Banderas) but still…

Watch. Cringe. Do NOT repeat.

The 33 is opening nationwide Nov. 13 but you don’t have to see it. Do yourself a favor and READ THIS INSTEAD.