‘Unamundo’ Host Esteban Colberto Does Lou Dobbs

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In case you missed this, Stephen Colbert this week incarnated Esteban Colberto, a Spanish-language speaking Latino of dubious origin. As host of Colberto Reporto Gigante, Colberto “sat down” with Lou Dobbs to talk about fences, corporate America and the war on the middle class, all in perfect Spanish.

The spoof was hilarious and very well-written (you can see it here) but my favorite part was the purple suit and, of course, the Latino chicas dancing around with the host. Any similarity to persons you see every night on Spanish-language television is purely coincidental.

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And Now… Naked News en Español

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Tired of all those news anchor muchachas at Univision, Telemundo and Azteca America who only show us cleavage and legs but nothing more?

Despair no more. The creators of Naked News, the Canadian broadcaster that features news presented by an anchor who gradually removes their clothing, is plunging into the multilingual arena, with upcoming shows in Spanish, Italian and Korean.

“Our intention at Naked News is to be a global media source, much like CNN or BBC World. We are looking forward to expanding into other languages as well, because there is definitely a market demanding our brand of infotainment,” Naked News founder David Warga said in a press release.

You go, Mr. Warga! finally we’ll get to see some real action in the otherwise dull news world.

A Bus Load of Latinos Head to Pasco’s State Capitol!

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I bet you didn’t know this, but today (Wednesday Jan. 16) is Hispanic Day in Pasco, WA (pop. 200,000). And what this means, say political leaders, is simple: today is the day in which a group of local politicians will lobby the state Capitol to consider laws with Latinos in mind.

“It’s not just suits lobbying politicians, the group is bringing a bus load of families from Pasco to talk face to face with representatives,” said a journalist of Pasco’s local CBS affiliate.

Oh dear! I don’t like the sound of “a bus load of families” and might advice them against this. What if the INS is waiting? or the Minuteman?

El Chavo Makes Animated Debut… Sans Chilindrina

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After what seemed like an endless wait, Univision has finally announced the Jan. 20 premiere of El Chavo del 8 animated series, the half hour series featuring -in cartoon form- all those friendly characters we, Mexicans, grew up with. But if you are a die-hard fan of El Chavo like myself, you will notice something odd in the following press statement:

Fans of the original series will be delighted to see the familiar characters that populate the neighborhood including: Quico, El Chavo’s best friend and frequent co-conspirator; Popis, the stuck-up little girl; Don Ramon, El Chavo’s perennial target of mischief and part-time father-figure; Doña Florinda, Quico’s mother; Professor Jirafales, her erstwhile suitor; Doña Clotilde, the neighborhood spinster; and Señor Barriga, the neighborhood landlord, among others.

What??? What about La Chilindrina? As it turns out La Chilindrina will be forever absent due to an ongoing dispute between María Antonieta de las Nieves and Roberto Gómez Bolaños on rights over the character. De las Nieves claims she should be entitled to monetary compensation if La Chilindrina (the character she brought to life in the television series) appears in the animated series. Roberto Gómez Bolaños claims that since he created the character, only he owns the rights to such character. This dispute still hasn’t been resolved, leaving us with an incomplete picture of the real vecindad.

All we can say about that is: Pi, pi, pi, pi, pi, pi, pi!

Wanna Go to P.R? Watch Out for Chupacabras

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You might have seen this before, but you will have to forgive my tardiness (as I’m still cleaning up my Inbox). The New York Times informs me that Marvel Comics has released Isla de la Muerte, a new comic featuring none other than the infamous Chupacabras.

The comic, available in English and Spanish, launched late December and it features the Fantastic Four battling “a rabid band of chupacabras in the Puerto Rican rain forest.” But what’s most fascinating about the whole thing is the author’s motivation: “My aim in this book was for the reader to learn about Puerto Rico,” Tom Beland, a Guanabo-based writer told the U.S. press.

Oh dear! I have never been to Puerto Rico, and after this I don’t think I’m gonna. (And to think that all these years I thought Chupacabras was a Mexican creature)

Magdalena, Jalisco, Gets Own Victoria’s Secret

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I was not going to start feeding this blog until at least Monday, hopefully having absorbed the shock of coming back to the U.S. after a wild two weeks in the ever-surrealist Mexico. But as I began downloading my pictures, I could not help but sharing this with you right away. The picture -which speaks by itself- is only a tiny taste of how the always inventive mind of my people works and how the inhabitants of this tiny village in the state of Jalisco embrace the wonders of globalization. (Oh, and check out the interracial couple featured on the wall!)

It was taken some time last week in Magdalena, Jalisco (pop. 11,000)

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Photo: Laura Martínez

Out on a Mexican Immersion Tour

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Hi everybody! Time has come for this blogger to take a well-deserved vacation… in Mexico, of course! where else?

So starting today (Dec. 27) and until way past the Reyes Magos festivities (and if the migra doesn’t get difficult) I will be somehow out of touch, hopefully getting a taste of good ol’ Mexico.

See? after so many years living on this side of the border, you start thinking that Taco Bell, chips & salsa, chimichangas and margaritas are the real thing; thus, I must embark on a real immersion tour of my home country –for the sake of this blog and its faithful followers.

However, my mom tells me my country has been taken over by the likes of Starbucks, McDonald’s and even Taco Bells (Ay Dios!), so I’m not sure how this immersion will go. In any event, I promise to keep you posted. Keep in mind, though, that very weird things can happen down there: I might end up taking part in a narco wedding with Chespirito and the Chilindrina; attacked by the Chupacabras, sun-burned at some beach in Iztacalco or even breaking a leg at the Zócalo’s now infamous ice-skating rink.

None of this means, of course, that you have to stop visiting my blog. In fact, I’ve been posting stuff for almost a year now, enough for you to get acquainted with Latino media and pop culture.

Otherwise, just leave me a comment and tell me what you’d like the Reyes Magos to bring you back from down there. A gardener, maybe? or a cook?

One Tamal, Two Tamales: Setting the Record Straight

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chicken-tamales1A tamal (from Nahuatl tamalli, plural tamales)

As a Mexican immigrant in this country, I truly appreciate the efforts of the so-called “general population” to embrace the so-called Latino culture (chips and salsa, burritos, chimichangas, tortillas, tequila, etc.) But people have got to stop calling the singular of tamales a ‘tamale,’ when we all know it is really a tamal.

A recent story, aptly titled Tamale is a Hot Choice for Yule, a customer at a local tamal factory declared: “I love them, and I’ve never had a decent tamale in Arkansas.”

OK, that is nice, but just for the record: next time you want to talk about one and not several, keep in mind it’s one tamal, two tamales, three tamales, etc.

Hispanics Don’t Know Anything About Winter

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I just love it when marketers use real “Hispanic insights” to sell us stuff, any kind of stuff, including eye-care products during the winter months.

Take Transitions Optical Inc., which today put out the following press release to inform us about its new winter campaign encouraging us, irresponsible, sun-loving, winter-ignorant Hispanics to avoid exposing ourselves too much to the sun (no matter it’s 28 degrees out there.)

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Oh well, in the best of holiday spirits, I’d like to encourage you people not to stare directly into the sun (wait for the summer to do that!) Instead try to keep your eyes -and mind- focused on the beer bottles, the bacalao and the romeritos.

¡Feliz Navidad!

Virgin Mary Picks Univision for Latest Apparition

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A Greenville, Wisconsin family is living proof that miracles do happen when you watch Univision.

The local ABC affiliate in Green Bay is reporting that the Timayo family was happily watching El Show the Cristina on Monday night when, at around 9:30 p.m something odd happened to their TV set:

“We was watching the program and just the TV froze, and it started appearing some images there, the Virgin Mary and another Virgin of Guadalupe and others,” Victor Timayo told WBAY-TV. (I wonder how Telemundo could ever beat that.)

The Timayos, who live in a mobile home, get their TV signal delivered by Dish TV, but their neighbors were not that lucky, for they were stuck with the perpetual image of Santa Cristina Saralegui in one of her highly-rated weekly apparitions.

Wanted: 1,000 Suckers to Pay $2,500 for a Bottle of Tequila

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And speaking of alcoholic beverages and gringos who love to exploit everything that remotely sounds Mexican or Latino, a Texas entrepreneur has launched Dos Lunas Grand Reserve, a 10-year-old tequila that sells for “only” $2,500 a bottle.

But don’t get too excited. According to Mexican news agency Notimex, El Paso-based Dos Lunas will produce only 1,000 bottles of the Grand Reserve special edition, which makes us figure there must be about 1,000 suckers in the Texas area who will actually pay for it.

Founder Richard C. Poe II, who is also a car dealer (mmmm), has said his goal was “to create the smoothest, most refined tequila in the world.” (And in rip off some 1,000 Texans in the process, may I add.)

Do you Want a Beer With your ‘Narcocorrido’?

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We have narco-corridos so why not narcocerveza?

My people (and by this I mean, Mexican people) have launched a new brand of beer called Malverde, after the famous saint patron of, well, drug-dealers. Malverde was actually appropriated by drug dealers, but it’s kind of a Robin Hood-type of hero from the North of Mexico.

The beer, which will only be sold in Culiacán and Guadalajara (for now) is produced by a local company, Minerva, which by the way has also launched The Simpsons-themed Duff beer.

My mom is from Sinaloa, so I’ve asked her to go hunting for some Malverde beer so I can soon report back on its taste.

Stay tuned, and ¡salud!

Photo is property of Reforma newspaper