Speaking about culturally relevant modifications to products and services, I remember a press release I received the other day from Fiorana, an apparel maker from Fort Worth, Texas, announcing the launch of its first women’s “Latina Cut” line of jeans.According to the company’s founder and president Mike Braden, “The Latina body is different in waist and hip structure.” The conclusion? “When wearing Anglo cut jeans, there is always a fit problem around the waist area.”

What a relief! And to think that for a while — a long while — I thought my inability to squeeze into my Levi’s or Gap jeans had something to do with a recent trip to Mexico City, where I indulged in sopes and quesadillas as if there was no tomorrow. As it turns out, and according to Mr. Braden, the only reason Latino women like myself are having trouble fitting in their regular jeans is the result of our naturally and genetically-programmed bootylicious look.

I wrote this post originally for Advertising Age’s Big Tent. To continue reading, please click here:

I love marketers; always so accommodating to our Latin lifestyle! Whatever that might mean.

In the most recent sign that Corporate America really likes us (and wants our money) H&R Block today announced that it has opened not one but 257 Latino offices designed specifically to serve Hispanic tax payers.

“These new offices have been designed to provide a family-friendly and culturally inviting environment for Latino clients. The offices feature work by local Hispanic artists, a children’s play area and magazines, all designed to make clients’ overall tax preparation experience easier and less stressful,” said the company in a press release.

Oh, such disappointment! And I thought accommodating Latinos meant we would have “tamale” vendors while we wait, or direct access to Mexican accountants specialized in not paying taxes at all, or at the very least coyotes for hire available to do the trámite for us with a simple mordida.

Now, that would be a real Latino tax experience! (Who has heard of paying taxes anyway?)

And speaking of godly figurines, I’m happy to report that my people (i.e. Mexicans) have finally done it. And by this I mean, a couple of nutty, very creative guys have come out with a vinyl-made collectible figuring of Pepe el Toro, that endearing character played by Pedro Infante in one of the most tragic and intense films ever made. Ever.

Julio Iván “Rictus” and Juan Alarcón are selling their Pepe el Toro figurines like hot cakes, and are reportedly already preparing their next Golden Era vinyl hit: Jorge Negrete.

But wait! what about Chachita and la Chorreada?

Attention, Mexico City lovers!

The world’s most chaotic and lovable city is among a list of 68 world capitals that could make it to the upcoming world edition of Hasbro’s Monopoly game. Winning will be tough, as chilangolandia is up against major world capitals, including Sofia, Zagreb, Tallinn, Riga and Ljubljana (don’t ask!)

But hurry, you only have 37 days to vote and be eligible for a prize of… well, nothing. But how about the pride of having the D.F. included in the next Monopoly game? Priceless

It was only a matter of time before somebody came up with a Spanish-language magazine for the Latino bride. So meet Bodas USA la revista, a magazine, whose editors and writers are pitching as the ultimate source of information for Hispanic brides.

Helming the new glossy is former La Opinión editor Katia Ramirez-Blankley, who was at hand this week to present the mag to California’s advertising community:

“Our editorial team is made up of Latino professionals from across the country who are experts in wedding planning, cuisine, travel, relationships, nutrition, entertainment […] but most importantly our stories are not translations but rather written in Spanish with a cultural touch that only Latinos can relate to,” Ramirez-Blankley said.

I guess that only means Latinos can expect to see some of the following headlines in the new title:

— I Sent Out 100 Invitations and 250 People Showed Up. Now What?

— Where to Find a Saca-Borrachos for your Big Day (Find by Zip Code Now)

— 10 Subtle Ways to Tell your Tíos from Zacatecas They are NOT invited to your Wedding

— Wedding in the ‘Burbs? Where to Shop for the Best Pancita for the Tornaboda

— 15 Honey Moon Paradise Spots for You … and Your Parientes from Michoacán

And I could go on, and on, and on… Can someone please give me a job there?

You might have seen this before, but you will have to forgive my tardiness (as I’m still cleaning up my Inbox). The New York Times informs me that Marvel Comics has released Isla de la Muerte, a new comic featuring none other than the infamous Chupacabras.

The comic, available in English and Spanish, launched late December and it features the Fantastic Four battling “a rabid band of chupacabras in the Puerto Rican rain forest.” But what’s most fascinating about the whole thing is the author’s motivation: “My aim in this book was for the reader to learn about Puerto Rico,” Tom Beland, a Guanabo-based writer told the U.S. press.

Oh dear! I have never been to Puerto Rico, and after this I don’t think I’m gonna. (And to think that all these years I thought Chupacabras was a Mexican creature)

I was not going to start feeding this blog until at least Monday, hopefully having absorbed the shock of coming back to the U.S. after a wild two weeks in the ever-surrealist Mexico. But as I began downloading my pictures, I could not help but sharing this with you right away. The picture -which speaks by itself- is only a tiny taste of how the always inventive mind of my people works and how the inhabitants of this tiny village in the state of Jalisco embrace the wonders of globalization. (Oh, and check out the interracial couple featured on the wall!)

It was taken some time last week in Magdalena, Jalisco (pop. 11,000)

Photo: Laura Martínez

Meet Mexican Santa. And this is no joke, but a real figurine for sale at Feliz Navidad, a Sedona, Arizona Christmas specialty store.

Ok, I’ll forgive them, not only because of the holidays and all that stuff, but because the company is located in the heart of the Tlaquepaque Village, apparently a very popular area around Sedona.

I just love it when marketers use real “Hispanic insights” to sell us stuff, any kind of stuff, including eye-care products during the winter months.

Take Transitions Optical Inc., which today put out the following press release to inform us about its new winter campaign encouraging us, irresponsible, sun-loving, winter-ignorant Hispanics to avoid exposing ourselves too much to the sun (no matter it’s 28 degrees out there.)

Oh well, in the best of holiday spirits, I’d like to encourage you people not to stare directly into the sun (wait for the summer to do that!) Instead try to keep your eyes -and mind- focused on the beer bottles, the bacalao and the romeritos.

¡Feliz Navidad!