Location Played Key Role in Father Alberto Cutié’s Fall From Grace: NYT

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MiamiMannequin

Forget all you’ve heard (or not) about the now infamous Hispanic celebrity priest Padre Alberto Cutié, who this week was caught on camera canoodling with some woman on the beach.

As far as the New York Times is concerned, the whole thing was bound to happen. The reason? Location. Location. Location.

“Father Cutié’s parish sits in the heart of South Beach, where even the mannequins have extra-large breasts,” wrote the NYT.

Had his parish been located in, say, Washington Heights, where mannequins are known for their extra-large buttocks (not breasts) his fall from grace would have been completely different (and maybe he would still be preaching in church, not on Univision.)

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[sigh]

Religious Jews Join the Cinco de Mayo Fun. Realize Kosher Tequila Also Gives Bad Hangovers

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agave480

Any day is a good day to drink. But religious jews living in New York City this week were treated with a taste of a very special, Kosher tequila made just for them.

At an event aptly named “Hava Tequila” thousands dozens of religious jews joined the Mexican consul in New York City for their first sip of tequila. The event was appropriately spiced up with (what else?) a Mariachi band, a group of traditional Mexican dancers and plenty of pastrami burritos.

A few shots and several burritos later, New York City jews were left wondering what it is about that drink that didn’t leave them feeling very ‘kosher.’

Happy Birthday To Me! There’s Nothing Like Beauty Queens to Cheer Up an Aging [Grumpy] Blogger

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After several hours months struggling about what to post on this perfect occasion (birthday number *#$%^&*) I decided to go with my favorite video, ever. E-V-E-R. Not only because it provides me with 45 seconds of uncontrollable laughter, but because it constantly reminds me of the fact that being old -and hopefully a little wise- might be better than being young and dumb. (I can’t afford surgery anyway!)

Oh, and now that I have your attention, don’t forget to watch the spoof, featuring none other than Miss Piggy herself.

Thank you, ladies, for making me feel like Einstein every day!

Hat tip to my friend/colleague Edgar, who unearthed these jewels just in time!

Gringos Perfect the Guacamole; Make Flags Out of It

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Guacamole, which according to “avocado experts” at Wholly Guacamole was “invented by the Aztecs for its nutritional benefits for the wealthy,” can now be used to prepare a Wholly Cinco de Guaco Quick Flag Dip, a culinary work of art you will never encounter in Mexico (it looks like a hell of a lot of work for real Mexicans.)

But it doesn’t matter if this beauty is the real thing or not; Cinco de Mayo is just around the corner and any excuse to fool around with Mexican food –and flag– is a good one. Besides, there are reportedly no swines involved in its preparation so you might be O.K.

Despite Swine Flu Scare, Texas Girl Claims Cinco de Mayo Title [Whatever That Means]

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image_8560962The H1N1 virus might have stolen Cinco de Mayo’s thunder but in a Texas town I’ve never heard of, some girl claimed the Miss Cinco de Mayo title during the weekend.

“Carmen Ramirez, a Hudson High School senior, was crowned Miss Cinco de Mayo on Saturday at a small gathering at Kiwanis Park.”

Now, I don’t know exactly what such a title is all about, since we never had anything remotely similar down in Mexico, but she seems happy enough and -if you asked me- free of any kind of killer influenza.

¡Sí, se puede!

The Hayek-Pinaults Treat Wedding Guests With Nonexistent Mexican Food

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Forget about Latin hot-dogs and Texican burgers, the new wave in Mexican cuisine is the non-existent fare, including some of the appetizing dishes the Hayek-Pinault newlyweds offered their guests at their Venice wedding weekend extravaganza.

The delicious Mexican-French fusion included a Jardin des fleurs mexicains (which I think means “garden of Mexican flowers”) and chocolate caliente en nogada (which I just cannot even begin to try to translate… chocolate en nogada? ew!)

At least the menu designed by José Andrés had plenty of fois gras and veal, sparing us from the edible animal of the moment.

Mmmmm

Ever Resourceful Mexicans Find Surgical Masks Ideal for Robberies

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bank_robberiesfbiAh, Mexicans… what a creative, resourceful, bunch. In these days of swine flu panic, some have found a much more practical use of surgical masks: use them to rob restaurants and not get caught.

According to Reforma newspaper, a group of tapabocas-wearing gang robbed a local Sanborn’s in Tlalpan this weekend and although the restaurant has a sophisticated video surveillance system, they couldn’t be identified because of the surgical masks.

Swines!

What Do Latinos Want? They Want Scantily-Clad Latinas Shaking Their Colita

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donfranciscoNow that we know what it is that Latinas really want, we thought it was time to expand the market research to their male counterparts.

So, what do Latinos want?

They want Latinas!

Preferably scantily-clad ones, shaking up their colita on prime-time television.

(You don’t even have to pay for cable. These beauties are conveniently available every Saturday evening by tuning to Univision’s Sábado Gigante) with toda la familia.

 

Oh, yes, shake it up mami!

What Latinas Want: Sex, Not Wine, With Husbands; Take Lots of Digital Photos… and iPod Downloads

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Once in a lifetime, market research comes out to shed light on what we [U.S. Latinas] want, but would rather keep in the dark.

Take the most recent (and reportedly groundbreaking) research conducted by OTX, which pretty much gives away a secret we’ve kept to ourselves, like, for decades! According to the research, in this week’s Advertising Age:

A difference between Latinas and non-Hispanic women: Latinas are more likely (75%) than non-Latinas (63%) to say they’d rather have sex with their husbands than a glass of good wine.

And that, ladies, is because we know crap about wine (had they asked us about aguardiente….). Now seriously, the research goes deep down into our inner selves and secret behaviors, including the fact that:

Latina respondents were slightly more likely than the non-Hispanic respondents to take pictures with a digital camera (45% compared to 42%) and download music to an iPod (28% compared to 22%)

Why is that, I wonder?

Are digital photos and iPod downloads more interesting after we perform non-alcoholic sex with our husbands? Can someone please illuminate me here?

Move Over, Texican Whopper. Introducing the Latin-Flavored Hot Dog (Perro Caliente)

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Ah, marketers… always finding interesting -and amusing- ways to engage us, Latinos, into whatever it is that we’re supposed to be engaged in.

In its latest effort to have already obese Hispanics eat other than tortillas and frijoles, Oscar Mayer this week launched Sabor de Mamá, a recipe contest aimed at having Latinos share their favorite traditional recipes featuring Oscar Mayer hot dogs. In their words (not mine):

“It’s no secret that Hispanics have embraced the American hot dog. Whether you are in a plaza in a small town in Mexico or taking a stroll in the streets of Colombia, the hot dog is now widely enjoyed.”

The lucky winner will receive $5,000 and the opportunity to join Univision’s Maggie Jiménez at an event to showcase his/her winning recipe. Because, you know, it’s always a great mystery what you can do with a bun and a salchicha.