And just because 2020 couldn’t punish us enough, Lay’s has decided to turn two iconic Mexican dishes into … snacks in a bag. Yes, my friends, I might have been too busy blogging about bad translations in Mexico to focus on what’s really important: Yet, another chapter in the desecration of Mexican food on this side of the border.
Sources close to this sad situation, tell me Lay’s “Wavy Carnitas Street Taco” have been inspired by El Torito restaurant in Los Angeles, while Lay’s “Chile Relleno” took their inspiration from Cocina Azul in Albuquerque.
Now if y’all excuse me; it’s only 9:30 a.m. but I think I’ll go have a María Sangrienta.
The lockdown resulting from the COVID-19 pandemic has been tough on Thomasina Miers’ children. That is why the co-founder of Wahaca, London’s weirdly-named Mexican eatery, has concocted a recipe for tacos that are… well… sure to please Londoners.
We’re talking about Thomasina’s cornflake-crumb fish tacos with a “tangy tropical ketchup,” which apparently is a mix of pineapple and cayenne pepper. For children you know?
The train wreck recipe includes tossing cabbage, onion and coriander on these things and then sprinkle with sea salt and a bit of lime. Thomasina suggests we eat them at once with a cold beer.
Ok, I’ll do the beer and toss out all the rest. Thanks.
Japanese conveyor-belt sushi chain Sushiro is apparently so fond of Mexican food that is launching its own “Sushi tacos,” a so-called “fusion food” that combines, well, sushi with what they think is a taco.
According to local media, Sushiro’s sushi tacos are priced at 170 yen (about US$1.60 each), and ordered via a touch panel at your seat, just like any other item on the Sushiro menu. And if you think said taco looks hideous in the picture above, wait until you see it in real life.
Fortunately, these things, are only available in Japan –and this blogger certainly hopes it will stay this way.
Move over $30-dollar Taco Toaster, here comes a less expensive, even more outrageous contraption to make what Americans think is a taco. I give you the … $22-dollar Made in California Taco Toaster, a plastic/metal mold thingy to hold your “taco” in place while you put it in a toaster –for some reason.
Worse than looking at this thing is reading the description of what it is and what it promises:
Creating a well-executed taco is an artform: salty black beans with sweet onions, blistery red peppers and corn, spicy guacamole, cooling Cotija–and best of all–a crunchy shell you can pile all this goodness into. This petite gadget lets you make crispy taco shells at home in your toaster, without any of the added oil like the ones you’d find in the grocery store.
As if I didn’t have enough bad news these days, someone just mentioned Cauliflower, a Los Angeles-based company determined to “reinvent our favorite foods” with healthier options, including cauliflower rice, cauliflower chips and cauliflower pizza dough.
While I couldn’t care less about what they do to rice and pizza, they’re now proudly peddling the ¡Viva Cauliflower Tortilla! apparently because people really really needed a grain-free, cauliflower tortilla to wrap God knows what in them.
“Caulipower’s mission is to listen to what people want,” Gail Becker, founder and CEO of Caulipower, told Baking Business. “Like pizza, tortillas are beloved, versatile and a natural fit for us to create a better-for-you option.”
Listen, Gail, I’m sure you’re all healthy and all that, but who are you to say this is a better-for-me option? Last time I checked, my better-for-me-option was a deliciously greasy set of carnitas wrapped in –what else?– a double corn tortilla.
Besides, if you really really want a healthy meal, just go squash some cauliflower and roll things inside it, but don’t call these things tortillas if you don’t want me to throw a fit.
Starting Thursday, Feb. 27 and until the deadly coronavirus takes us all (hopefully soon) Einstein Bros. Bagels will start selling the Bagelrito, a “big, bold, and easy to hold” bagel/burrito mash-up that looks as disgusting as it sounds.
The company claims this thing was a smashing success in Denver, CO test markets –for some reason, but this blogger is looking forward to never having to see this thing ever again. Ever.
Guacamole, which according to “avocado experts” at Wholly Guacamole was “invented by the Aztecs for its nutritional benefits for the wealthy,” can now be used to prepare a deliciously patriotic Mexican flag tricolor dip, a culinary work of art you will never encounter in Mexico (mainly because it looks like a hell of a lot of work for a real Mexican.)
But I digress. The point is: The Super Bowl LVI is tonight and any excuse to fool around with Mexican food –and the Mexican flag– is a good one. Besides… it features an eagle… and eagle, babies!
Yeah, it’s already that time of the year when –not content with punishing this blogger with frigid temperatures –and plenty of avocado-hipster nonsense– corporate America starts releasing their Super Bowl teaser commercials.
The spot, created by Energy BBDO, also features quick snippets of avocado-themed products, including a baby carrier to hold a baby avocado (yup); an avocado pool float shaped like a tortilla chip and a helmet for an avocado out for a ride.
I know Twitter, Facebook, Instagram et al have been stealing time and energy from this blogger and I have not been able to keep my promise of posting something here everyday as I used to in the dial-up AOL.com, pre-Zuckerberg era.
That said, I am reaching out to you TODAY to ask for your help in spreading the above manifesto, which will help restore the sacredness of the food from my homeland, and hopefully contravene the terrible transgressions it has endured throughout these years.
I trust you will read –and memorize– the above manifesto and help this blogger put a stop to the nonsense of spreading shredded cheddar on top of stuff and/or mistaking a burrito for a quesadilla or –worse– a corn tortilla for a flour one.
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers and think of me every time you find an authentic enchilada. 🙏🏻
Would you eat a burrito with a name such as “Lock Her Up?”
I didn’t think so, but someone does.
Hanif Mohamed, a Muslim immigrant from Kenya, had the not-so-swell idea to open a taquería in Albuquerque with items he hopes will make us crave for his Mexican “food.” Urban Taquería‘s food items include tacos & burritos with bizarre names like “No Collusion,” “The Wall,” “Under Audit,” “Executive Privilege,” and –of course– “Bad Hombre.”
In an effort to raise funds –and awareness– around breast cancer, Portland is hosting a… Topless Taco Festival where visitors are encouraged to come topless for the tacos and booty short-clad for the burritos.
And no, unfortunately this is not some sort of joke or fake news, but an actual event that is scheduled to take place in Portland on August 17. Why? Because apparently nothing says fight cancer like being naked while eating tacos.
Filing under ONLY IN AMERICA and STUPID PROPOSITIONS.