Domino’s New Pizza is Really a Quesadilla in Disguise

It’s amazing what you can learn from reading the newspapers online. Take the Houston Chronicle, which this week did a sort of “food review” on the new Crispy Melt Pizza from Domino’s Pizza. In it, Houston Chronicle writer Ken Hoffman presents readers the following, puzzling question:

Is the Crispy Melt Pizza really a pizza? Or is it merely a cleverly disguised Mexican quesadilla with some pizza trappings?

After tasting the 340-calories-per-slice creation, Hoffman safely establishes that though the Crispy Melt is shaped like a pizza and has some tomato sauce floating in there, “its taste, texture and grab-ability of a Mexican quesadilla.”

Go figure.

What to do With Malnourished Kids? Give ’em Coffee!

Just when I thought I had seen it all…. It turns out that a Houston-based company called Voyava has teamed with a Mexican cooperative to fortify coffee with folic acid and other stuff to give to the children of Chiapas, the country’s poorest state. ¿The idea? to give them nutrients that otherwise they won’t get ’cause they’re too damn poor to eat anything else.

Thankfully, some Mexican officials are hesitating about the plan, saying they don’t believe elementary school kids should be drinking coffee (duh!), fortified or otherwise. (This despite the fact that a 3-year-old this week told the Associated Press “I do like coffee!”)

Besides, I’m not sure I trust these people: Voyava Republic founder Michael Sweeney is an electrochemist, and he is credited with developing a technique to fortify coffee with iron and folic acid. Can they at least put some milk in the damn thing?

Photo: Sylvia Romo

Learning Spanish is Oh-So Easy!

Almost two years after I first found Unforgettable Languages, a company that pitches the “linkword” method to learning languages, I stopped by this morning to check in with them and realized the company is not only still around, but has added some new features and languages to its roster.

The method, say its creators, is simple; and it applies to any language you can imagine. Just see below:

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….more

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and more…

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And just in case Spanish is not your cup of tea, you might want to check out other options.

The Russian for JUICE is SOK
Imagine drinking JUICE out of a SOCK

Spanish -not Mexican- Spoken in Spain

Filmax, the Spanish producer and distributor of films, is tangled up in some bizarre fight with Mexican film maker Rigoberto Castañeda. As it turns out, Filmax is determined to dubb Mr. Castañeda’s latest film, Km 31 into Spanish… problem is, the film IS in Spanish (Mexican Spanish, that is).

The Mexican film maker this week told El País that the argument behind Filmax’ insistence in translating the film into Spain’s Spanish (from Mexican Spanish) has to do with offering a more culturally-relevant movie to Spain’s audiences… (mmm, aren’t we all speaking the same language?)

As Jon Stewart said recently a propos of Univision’s “Spanish-language” presidential debate: “mmm ¿en dónde está mi cabeza?”

Sightings at AHAA’s 23rd Annual Conference in NYC

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Death was the subject around this year’s AHAA’s conference, which kicked off Wednesday night with a scary opening reception at the Crown Plaza Hotel in Times Square. Under the provocative title “Is Hispanic Advertising Dead?” more than 500 ad and media executives were in town to discuss a little bit of everything; from the eternal debate of English vs. Spanish to the death of the 30-second commercial.

This blogger has been busy not only mingling and partying but also doing some not-so-serious reporting; and though I still haven’t found anybody in a compromising or shady situation (we still have tonight’s Awards Show) here are some highlights:

–Edoardo Chavarín, the brilliantly funny founder of NaCo, delivered an engaging keynote address to formally open the conference Thursday morning. Chavarín spoke to a mostly bilingual, bicultural audience about what moves him and where he gets inspiration for his hilarious T-shirts designs. Despite the audience’s best laughs, I’m still not sure everybody understood the references to Amado Carrillo or grasped the real meaning of Chimengüenchón, Chido One and Pipiris Nais. In any case, the conference co-chairman, Aldo Quevedo, smartly pointed out that Mr. Chavarín’s humor is not easily palatable for Politically-correct America.

–Tom McGarrity, the former Univision co-president of network sales, attended the Telemundo-sponsored luncheon on Thursday. Out of his traditionally impeccable suits, he was casually dressed when I spotted chatting with Steve Mandala. Both execs laughed at my suggestion / recommendation that Mr. McGarrity should replace Mr. Mandala as the sales chief of Telemundo. (Not a bad idea when you think about it).

–Despite my rantings about Spanish-language television, Telemundo served me lunch, just like everybody else! (Thank you!)

–Univision scored big points with this blogger for a fun-filled evening at Madam Tussauds Museum House of Wax, where I had a fantastic time in the company of Larry King, Jlo and Woody Allen. (All of them seemed to be very engaged in my conversation, as none uttered a word back at me.)

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–English is not coming to your Univision screens any time soon. The network’s CEO, Joe Uva, made it clear Friday morning that the company “is 110% committed to Spanish-language.”

–From the always smart Isaac Mizrahi (not the designer, but the Brazil-born multicultural director from Sprint: “Hispanic advertising is not dead. What is dead is the low hanging fruit and the easy dollar [to be made from this market].”

–The conference is still on, closing tonight with the 9th annual Advertising Age Hispanic Creative Advertising Awards and Gala. So stay tuned!

Latin American Politics According to ‘The Police’

If you know The Police, you know what Stewart Copeland is all about. But in a recent interview with the Chilean press he managed to piss off a lot of people, well mostly feminists and… the country’s President.

Speaking about the band’s upcoming Santiago concert, the super-ultra-cool drummer compared the country’s President Michelle Bachelet with the newly elected Argentine leader Cristina Fernández in terms of -what else?- beers.

“Look, Argentina’s new president would be good for a beer; yours, for about four,” Copeland told Wikén, a weekly entertainment magazine published by local daily El Mercurio. (This means, in case you’re wondering, how many beers it’ll take to go, hmmm, elsewhere.)

Chilean women are furious, of course, although they should get some consolation on Copeland’s take on Mrs. Clinton: “Hillary??!! she should be good after one, maybe two… bottles of tequila –on me,” he added.

Green With Envy: I Want My Own Fragrance

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As soon as I heard the Chica Dorada (aka Paulina Rubio) will be launching her own fragrance in 2008, I decided to check out the market and explore the chances of getting myself my very own eau de parfum. Alas, the idea is by no means original. Latino celebrities, it seems, have inundated the marketplace with their respective scents:

Rafa Marquez: the Mexican soccer beau this year launched ‘RM’ La Esencia del Triunfo (The Essence of Triumph)

Antonio Banderas, the Spanish actor that the gringos so want to sell us as a Mexican macho, has ‘Spirit,’ ‘Diavolo’ and ‘Mediterraneo’ (ay Dios!)

Jennifer Lopez, the non-pregnant (maybe yes) Puerto Rican, Bronx diva is pitching ‘Glow’

Gabriela Sabatini, the Argentinean tennis player you might not remember, has a complete line called, what else?, Gabriela Sabatini with sub-names such as ‘Devotion’ and ‘Temperamento’

So I guess for now I’ll pass on that idea and perhaps will come up with something more original like a mouth wash or a line of wool underwear (oops, I forgot there’s plenty of those too.)

Juan & Maria Win Top Award in Rochester, NY

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And speaking of awards for outstanding Hispanics, I am happy to report that Mr. Juan Contreras, owner of Juan & Maria’s Empanada Stop of Rochester, NY, has been named Hispanic Business Person of the Year by the local Rochester Hispanic Business Association.

In accepting the award, though, Mr. Contreras humbly turned the credit to his hard-working wife (aptly named Maria.)

“If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be standing here,” Mr. Contreras told the Rochester Democrat & Chronicle.

The couple started out selling about 10 or 20 empanadas a day at the Public Market, and have increased that to more than 800. On Memorial Day, they sold 1,025.

Misbehaving Latinos Wanted for Reality Show

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Let me tell you, it’s so hard to concentrate on a regular job when so many wonderful things keep showing up on the Internet.

According to a job posting on Craigslist, a New York-based casting office, Paladino Casting, is searching for “America’s Numero Uno Telenovela Star” for VH1’s Viva Hollywood, a reality TV show coming this fall.

You can read the entire casting call here -and even apply!- but in a nutshell, you only need to be:

1. Beautiful

2. Stunningly talented

3. Misbehaving

4. Bilingual

5. Willing to do “whatever it takes” to become número uno

…and just as I was getting ready to apply, I realized I would have to agree to be put through “medical, background and psych testing.”

¡Ah, no … Así no! Maybe next time.

And Now… Hispanic Cheese!

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You gotta love marketers, always so concerned with giving us -Latinos- a taste of our home countries.

This time the good deed comes courtesy of Nash Finch Co., the Minnepolis $4.6 billion-annual-sales wholesaler that is taking its Avanza Supermarkets to the growing Hispanic population of Omaha. According to a story this week in Progressive Grocer magazine, “The remodeled store will include more than 400 produce items […] a bakery featuring selections of Latino pastries and rolls; and Hispanic cheeses.”

So, while someone comes forward to inform me what Hispanic cheeses are all about, I’m off to make myself a quesadilla with a good, old queso de Oaxaca.

Smile, say cheese and have a great Hispanic Weekend!

Who is offending who?

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Now that the Mexican government has decided to “fully” investigate Paulina Rubio for potentially “desecrating” the Mexican flag… it might also want to spend the same energy and television air-time in investigating Mr. Vicente Fox for alledgedly robbing us blind and leaving us more naked that Rubio herself.

The details of the so-called investigation into Paulina’s posing are now becoming ridiculous: press reports have quoted Director of Democratic Culture and Civic Promotion (don’t you love this title?) Jose Castillo saying Paulina Rubio’s photos [published on Cosmopolitan magazine] must be examined to see whether the article in question is a genuine flag, apparently the only circumstance on which it would be considered an offense.

If you ask me, Paulina can pose naked wherever and however she wishes. My ‘patriotism’ would not be hurt. It would be painful, though, to find out you can still get away with embezzlement, and then make cheerful appearances on U.S. television.

¿Cómo que no? ‘El País’ Reclaims Accent

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Starting Oct. 21, EL PAIS, Spain’s most-widely circulated paper, is getting rid of its diphthong (bet you didn’t know this word!) and reclaiming its rightful accent over the “i” so that it will now read EL PAÍS (as opposed to EL PAIS.)

An upcoming redesign will incorporate spelling norms dictated by the Real Academia de la Lengua Española, which in 1999 declared capital letters should be spelled with an accent. Finally! said proponents of the accent.

La renovación que EL PAÍS emprenderá el próximo día 21 no sólo afectará al diseño de sus páginas y a la manera de contar las noticias. Los cambios afectarán incluso a la cabecera. La marca EL PAÍS se escribirá con tilde para que su grafía no entre en contradicción con las normas ortográficas que se aplican en el resto del periódico.

Mexicans ‘Quieren’ Taco Bell… Do They?

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Aren’t Mexicans lucky? Not only they will now have access to Ugly Betty, but they will be able to enjoy the show while savoring a delicious… tacostada from Taco Bell!

The company, a unit of Yum Brands, this week said it will return to Mexico after a failed attempt 15 years ago, in hopes of establishing up to 300 franchises in the country. But don’t think it will get away with murder: Taco Bell has said that what they call “tacos” here in the U.S. (those hard-shell yellow things probably made in China) will be called “tacostadas” south of the border … see? it’s because we know what a taco looks like!

Steve Pepper, Taco Bell’s general manager in Mexico, insists the company doesn’t pretend to insult Mexicans by selling its products as “typical.” In fact, Mr. Pepper informs us the menu will use the word “spicy,” not “picante,” –which coming from a guy called Pepper should give the information some kind of credibility.

Ay, ay, ay, yo no quiero Taco Bell!

Mexico’s Cable Line Up Gets Uglier

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Mexican TV viewers are bracing for a traumatic event: Ugly Betty, the English-language, U.S.-produced remake of the Spanish-language Colombian telenovela Betty la Fea, is ready to make its debut in Mexico… in English, with Spanish-language subtitles. (Sounds like the “historic” Univision Spanish-language-English debate

According to Reforma newspaper Ugly Betty is ready for its debut soon via the Sony Entertainment channel, giving my fellow Mexicans yet more crap to watch (this time Made in U.S.A.)

Can Somebody Please Give me an Award? (I’m Hispanic!)

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That’s it! Now that Billboard magazine and the Hollywood Reporter have named America Ferrera “Hispanic Woman of the Year,” (with a gala and whole enchilada included) I decided there is no reason for me not to be nominated for something —whatever (I’m not that picky).

So while I wait for some organization to realize I’m here and contact me with the great news, I am hereby nominating myself as the “Disgruntled, non-Famous, Certainly-not-Mainstream, Harlem-Beaner-Blogger of the Week.”

And if you think I have no reasons to support my claim, check out just a few of the awards that are out there (so many awards so little time to win them all!).

-Hispanic Entrepreneur of the Year (Hispanic Business Magazine)

-Hispanic Businessman of the Year (U.S. Hispanic Chamber of Commerce)

Hispanic Businesswoman of the Year (U.S. Hispanic Chamber of Commerce)

-Hispanic Engineer of the Year (NASA)

-Hispanic Science of the Year (The Museum of Science and Industry)

-Hispanic Journalist of the Year (Hispanic Media Awards)

-Inspiring Young Latinos (Selecciones magazine)

-Hispanic Heritage Award (Hispanic Heritage Foundation)

-Hispanic of the Year (Hispanic Magazine)

-Latino Lawyer of the Year (Hispanic National Bar Association)

-Hispanic Nurse of the Year (The Hispanic Nurses)

…The list goes on, and on, and on….