Category: Marketing & Advertising

Coffee Mate Preps Telenovela, Because Why the Hell Not?

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CremaNot content with bringing my people (the Hispanics) a line of Latin-inspired creamers, Nestle’s Coffee Mate tonight is premiering a telenovela: Crema con aroma de café, presumably because only a good, steamy drama will compel us to put chemically-processed stuff into our café sin leche.

Coffee Mate’s webnovela premieres tonight at 9PM EST/6 PM PST somewhere on Facebook.

This blogger might be busy doing other, equally important, things (i.e. looking for a date  on Walter Mercado’s new dating site.) But, heck, don’t let me stop you.

Here’s a preview. Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I kind of love the name of this thing, though. There, I said it.

Quick! Someone Tell Fresh&Co this is NOT what Poblano Food Looks Like

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PueblaVegan
This photo has been shamelessly stolen from my friend’s FB wall

If you happen to walk around New York City these days, you’ll likely find huge signs advertising the latest “vegan” creation from Fresh&Co.: The Puebla Vegan Grilled Cheese, a “black bean & corn salad, smashed avocado, vegan cheese sandwich on sourdough bread.”

And while it’s tempting to think you’ll be enjoying a delicious, healthy meal from the state of Puebla –which is actually ground zero for amazing Mexican food– well, you wouldn’t.

I’m sorry to disappoint y’all, but this is what food from Puebla actually looks like:

puebla

 

Unshocking Revelation: Sofía is ‘Variety Latino’ Top Latina

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SofiaNumberOne

No Hispanic Heritage Month would be complete without a list of the most influential Latinos in Hollywood, so thanks Variety Latino, for putting that together.

According to Variety Latino, which is like regular Variety, but Latino, there are 20 Latinos who fit the bill as the most powerful/influential Latinos in Hollywood (uff, that’s a Latino mouthful.)

The list –which Variety says was not based on money earned– included 10 men and 10 women, among which is my favorite, retro-acculturated Latina: Eva Longoria (aka La Prieta Faya).

Number one of the list…. chan, chan! Sofía Vergara, who is richer and prettier than all of us.

Well, you have to give it to Variety Latino for not putting her on a rotating pedestal or anything.

‘Cristela’ is a Latin-themed TV Show I Might Actually Watch

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'Cristela' stars Mexican-American comedienne Cristela Alonzo
‘Cristela’ stars Mexican-American comedienne Cristela Alonzo

Mexican-American comedienne Cristela Alonzo might not be as stunning as Sofía Vergara -and chances are the EMMY Academy will never put her on a rotating pedestal.

However, judging from the following trailer -and description- of the upcoming ABC comedy Cristela, she has the potential to help restore my faith in Latino-themed programming for the so-called English-language crowd.

Per a press release:

Cristela is in her 6th year of law school (having juggled family obligations and worked multiple jobs to pay her way); she lands an internship at a prestigious Dallas law firm.  She lives with her sister, her brother-in-law, their two young kids, and her old-school mom. Felix’s cousin and co-worker, Alberto flirts shamelessly with Cristela, but the only feeling she has for him is a shared passion for the Dallas Cowboys.

Well that sounds interesting. Let’s see if the show actually delivers and makes us all want more -or suffer the fate of so many other “Latino TV projects.”

It premieres Oct. 10, so I will -of course- be watching and keep you guys posted.

Taco Bell’s Biscuit Taco Proves There’s no Hope in Humanity

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BiscuitTaco

And just when I thought the height of ridiculousness had been reached with the Quesarito and the Frito-stuffed Chicken Enchilada Melt, comes the Biscuit Taco, a breakfast concept being tested in -where else?- California.

A company briefing describes the Biscuit Taco as a “warm, flaky, golden brown biscuit that happens to be shaped in the form of a taco,” and will very likely clog your arteries. (That last bit is mine, of course, but I think the company might want to reconsider its briefing or at least add some kind of health disclaimer.)

But the Biscuit Taco is not alone in its ridiculousness, and is only the latest addition to the I Don’t Wanna Taco ‘Bout it Wall of Shame, which you are free to click -of course- at your own risk.

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Coffee Mate’s ‘Latin-Inspired Products’ Include Hot, Steamy ‘Abuelita’ -Of Course

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SpicySteamyAbuela

Not to be outdone by the likes of Mattel and Oscar Mayer with their Latin-inspired dolls and Hispanic-targeted cold cuts, Nestlé’s Cofee Mate is launching a series of “Latin-inspired products” and promoting them on Twitter with a super inventive Latin handle: #LatinTouch.

Here’s one of Coffee Mate’s pitches on Twitter.

Coffee Mate’s Latin Touch thing includes Nestlé’s popular Mexican Chocolate Abuelita, featuring the great Sara García, who is having, posthumously, a second life as a “hot, steamy” Latina.

Because, aren’t we all?

Hat tip: @latinorebels

Mattel to Launch Mariachi Barbie, Because Why-the-Hell-Not?

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MariachiBarbie

I don’t know how many ridiculous Barbie posts I’ve written for this old blog (they are here, here and here). But who is counting?

In the latest marketing move, and apparently unmoved by the likely wave of criticisms, Mattel says it will launch a Mariachi Barbie edition to celebrate the upcoming Mexican Independence holiday.

I seriously think this is great, you know, perhaps we can finally match her up with her perfect companion: This guy.

The National Pork Board Wants Hispanics to be Inspired by Pork

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Screen Shot 2014-08-27 at 5.36.17 PM

The national organization known as the National Pork Board this week launched a Spanish-language version of its popular Pork Be Inspired website, inexplicably called Pork te inspira.

And I say “inexplicably,” because as any bilingual person will tell you, cerdo or puerco would be the correct Spanish translation of the word “pork.” See? Pork is NOT Spanish for Pork, thus the weirdness of the whole Pork-te-inspira-business.

I have no idea why they decided to go that route, but I’ve already sent them a VIT (a Very Important Tweet) asking for a comment or -in the worst case scenario- a clarification.

I suppose El puerco te inspira or El cerdo te inspira would be slogans better suited for the National Porn Board, but we’ll never know for sure until they get back to me (which very likely will be never.)

I will keep you guys posted, though.

Having Run out of Ideas, Univision Steals Ice Bucket Challenge Idea to Support its Own Cause: TeletonUSA

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Screenshot by Laura Martínez
Screenshot by Laura Martínez

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you must have noticed that everybody and their abuela have -for some reason- taken an unusual interest in fighting ALS by challenging one another to take the Ice Bucket Challenge, dumping a bucket of ice water on their heads.

Ok, so fine. Everybody wants their 30 seconds of fame while pretending to care about a noble cause. Nothing wrong with that, I guess, but the Ice Bucket craziness has gotten so out of control, that Univision has jumped on it; not to donate to ALS, but to its own cause: the Televisa/Univision sanctioned TeletonUSA, an annual 24-plus-hour TV and radio broadcast to raise money for children’s rehabilitation centers.

Per an Aug. 21, 2014 tweet by Univision Sports anchor Félix Fernández, a donation of US$200 was deposited to the account of the Alcancía Digital (aka as the official account of TeletonUSA) upon taking the now famed Ice Bucket Challenge live, on camera and narrated by none other than Univision’s own Perro Bermúdez. [Watch the video here]

Here’s the original tweet by Univision Sports commentator Felix Fernández touting the deposit upon taking the Challenge, making it very clear that the funds were not deposited to ALS but to TeletonUSA.

I guess at this point everyone is entitled to dump cold water on their head and support whatever the hell they feel like supporting. I, for one, will take a freezing shower right now, just to clear my head from so much Internet silliness.

The Mexican ‘Jersey Shore’ Looks Stupider than the Regular ‘Jersey Shore’

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'Acapulco Shore' is scheduled to debut in September 2014.
‘Acapulco Shore’ is scheduled to debut in September 2014.

I thought it was going to be a while until I had to post something about silly Mexican spin-offs, but it looks like TV producers and creatives never stop, well, creating.

On the heels of Gossip Girl Acapulco, comes Acapulco Shore, a Mexican version of -yes, you guessed it- Jersey Shore.

Per an MTV Latin America press release:

“Produced exclusively in Mexico, the series will be filmed in and around the city of Acapulco, capturing the staple moments of the franchise including over-the-top arguments, undefined love triangles and outrageous antics in the sun-kissed city.”

Alas, it looks like the reality series -which I’m sure will star a bunch of blond, blue-eyed Mexicans with sculptural bodies- will feature no vigilante autodefensas, corrupt politicians, guerrilla fighters, or dangerous drug lords that seem to have taken over the state of Guerrero, home of the aforementioned sun-kissed city.

I guess producers are kind enough to spare us the bad news, so that we have time to focus on “undefined love triangles and outrageous antics.” Hell, yeah!

Acapulco Shore is scheduled to debut in September 2014.

Oscar Mayer Courts Latinos With -What Else?- an Abuela

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LolaEmbarazada

From Oscar Mayer, the company that brought us the disgusting sausage flasher, now comes Lola: The Abuela Who Tells it Like it is, a Facebook fan page featuring a bilingual, annoying abuela that has managed to amass almost 18,000 likes.

When she is not peddling recipes based on Oscar Mayer products, Lola spends her time sharing advice on family gatherings, laundry, married life and other mundane things while speaking her mind and saying things as they are “wether we like them or not.” She even takes the time to give us Spanish lessons -in English- and at least as far as I could see, she has better grammar than the Procter & Gamble abuela.

I don’t know you, but I can only imagine the meeting behind Lola’s creation:

Creative # 1: Let’s create an abuela to share recipes and stuff online, ’cause Latinos are online and love their abuelas and food and stuff…  

Creative # 2: Yeah, but you know, Latinos are going to go up in arms because of the tired, abuela cliché, etc. You know how they are (I’m looking at you, @miblogestublog)

Creative # 1: Oh, I get it! Let’s make her fun and irreverent. That’ll do it.

Done. Budget approved.

Honestly, between these two, I kind of prefer the flasher (At least he did not try to be funny, nor show his face, only his cold cuts.)

Hat tip: Julio Varela